


Only Half a Blue Sky

by iammisscullen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Romance, Slight torture, Team as Family, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony centric, With happy ending, everyone loves tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16620476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammisscullen/pseuds/iammisscullen
Summary: The hands of fate must have been having a laugh when they’ve finally fulfilled Tony’s wish. That or they were all pissed drunk with Loki because what other deity could have cursed Tony to such a fate: soulmate to none other than Captain America himself.He truly wants to blame Loki for this awful luck.So many people in the universe. Eight billion alone on Earth and yet none of them could have been Tony’s soulmate. Nope. It had to be Steve Rogers, who is already bonded to his dead best friend, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.





	1. No Chance No Way I Won't Say It

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, how is everyone doing?
> 
> First things first, I would like to thank my lovely beta, Leez, whom helped me through writing. And bless her kind soul for putting up with my procrastination. I wouldn't be near anywhere half finish this thing if it weren't for her. Have I mentioned she's also a writer and writes superbly well. Here's her AO3 ([Amethyst288](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyst288/pseuds/Amethyst288)), and her Tumblr ([hotmessmuffin](https://hotmessmuffin.tumblr.com/)) if you want to say hi and talk about Winteriron or NaruSasu. Thank you soooo much, Leez. Words aren't enough to express how grateful I am for your undying help and support.
> 
> Second, the title is from One Direction's song: Half a Heart. Sue me.
> 
> Third, I'll update one chapter per week. I promise. Leez made me promise, too. :)  
>    
> And lastly, hope you like it as much as I love writing it. Thanks!

_‘Maybe love was superstition, a prayer we said to keep the truth of loneliness at bay. I tilted my head back. The stars looked like they were close together, when really they were millions of miles apart. In the end, maybe love just meant longing for something impossibly bright and forever out of reach.’_ **\- Leigh Bardugo**

 

**

The hands of fate must have been having a laugh when they’ve finally fulfilled Tony’s wish. That or they were all pissed drunk with Loki because what other deity could have cursed Tony to such a fate: soulmate to none other than Captain America himself.

He truly wants to blame Loki for this awful luck.

So many people in the universe. Eight billion alone on Earth and yet none of them could have been Tony’s soulmate. Nope. It had to be Steve Rogers, who is already bonded to his dead best friend, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.

It really has to be Loki’s fault.

‘Tony,’ Steve says, tasting the name on his lips and oblivious to the fact that he’s turning the engineer’s world upside down.

That’s it. One word. And everything in Tony’s life is in chaos.

Whoever programmed this whole soulmate thing must have been crazy. Seriously? People discovering their soulmates by simply hearing the other person say their name and unlocking the fucking floodgates of can’t-live-without-you-because-you-make-me-whole instinct is fucking nuts.

And Tony just needs to say Steve’s name back and Captain America will know that he’s mated to no other than one problematic Tony Stark. Damn, all his baggages that Steve has to carry around if the genius let _them_ happen. Well, he can probably use the joke about how his baggages are designer. And then Steve can say that his are vintage.

But let’s be real, Captain America doesn’t have that much issues. Maybe only being alive in the twenty-first century when everyone he knows is dead. Except for Peggy Carter. Tony doesn’t want to think about the little time she has. It aches.

‘Captain,’ Tony replies back and shaking Steve’s hands. Damn it to hell with how every fibre in him craves to say Steve’s name out loud. But Stark men are made of iron, so he manages to keep the blond’s name in his mouth.

It’s a blessing in disguise when he and Steve tend to collide with their personalities. Polar opposites really. And just a living proof that there had been some mistakes when matching Tony’s soulmate. But that doesn’t mean that there’s not a second the genius aches to hold Steve’s hand or be stared at by those baby blues with warmth that thirteen year old Tony had dreamt of.

Even when he’s mad at his father, Howard, for all the traumas and issues from bad parenting, Tony can’t bring himself to corrupt Steve’s clean reputation by confessing that he’s the super soldier’s new soulmate. That would also mean trying to fill in for Barnes. And he’s not sure he can.

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are national heroes. They are legendary icon and honourable soldiers. They are beckon of hope. Light in times of darkness.

While Tony Stark is a narcissistic playboy who doesn’t know where parties end and priorities begin. And also, the Merchant of Death, can’t forget that bit.

It’s not rocket science to formulate a decision on whether or not Tony should tell Steve or not. Besides Steve and Bucky are considered the one Greatest Love Stories of All Time.

So, Tony keeps his mouth shut and only utters Steve’s name in the safety of his workshop when he’s alone. And sometimes when the nightmares come to haunt him, he mutters Steve’s name like a prayer as if to taunt his demons that he has a knight to save him. Even when he knows he doesn’t. Still, he pretends that he does.

‘Are you okay?’ Steve asks him one day when they’re in Tony’s workshop. The super soldier is sketching while Tony’s stupidly marvelling how gorgeous Steve is.

‘Huh?’ he says absent-mindedly, hoping he’s not blushing for getting caught. Fuck! He’s suppose to be good at this incognito glances. ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ He turns back to the tablet he has in his hand.

Why is Steve even down here with him? Why can’t Steve sketch somewhere else? Ugh! How many gods did he piss off to be tortured like this? And that all-too-small shirt that Steve is wearing doesn’t help him control his ogling.

He needs to get his focus in check. He can’t slip now.

‘You’re thinking too loud,’ Steve tells him, he has an amused smile on his face.

Tony badly wants to punch Steve in his perfect face. No one should be armed with a smile like that, a smile that can probably sell ice to Eskimos.

‘I can help you, you know,’ Steve continues. ‘But not unless you tell me what’s got you worried.’ And he sounds so damn sincere that Tony wants to cave in and say fuck to whatever is left of his moral.

But he can’t. He can’t slip. Not even when Steve’s making it so hard for Tony to hate him. Not when Steve’s such a nice guy with a dry sense of humour. Not even then.

Living with Steve is like having a taste of the what an amazing life he could be living with a soulmate. He’s not sure if it could be more awesome than what he’s getting now — all the genuine concern, the warm smile, the feeling of belongingness — or if he will ever get to experience it.

He wants to say he’s getting punished for all the lives that drip so red from his ledger, he’s sure it’s worse than Natasha or anyone else in their team. Definitely worse. More reason to keep his mouth shut and let Steve live the wonderful life that he should.

‘Tony.’ Steve’s voice drips with concern that makes something deep in Tony’s chest ache.

‘It’s just a bit of stuff on SI,’ Tony lies, trying to come across as nonchalant as possible.

Some of the worry on the blond’s face sheds a bit. ‘Well, in that case I can help you with some PowerPoint if you want.’

And maybe he can’t fall in love with Steve — he is not — but he sure is allowed to be fond of him. That’s exactly what Tony does as he permits himself to throw a gooey grin at his teammate.

‘And then fill it with that star transition?’ he teases lightly. ‘No way.’

Steve scowls at him without heat. ‘That was one time,’ he insists. ‘And it was Clint’s fault.’

‘Please.’ Tony snorts. ‘You’re not as innocent as you’d like to seem, Cap. That could have worked with me before. But not now. I know that deep down those angelic baby blues, you’re a little shit.’

‘Language,’ the blond chastises mechanically. And then there’s ashort pause before he says with a mischievous smirk, peeking at Tony under his long lashes, ‘Angelic baby blues, huh?’

By god, the only thing that’s missing is Steve winking at him or something.

And if Tony’s heart isn’t beating so loudly in his chest, he would have asked if Captain America just subtly flirted back at him. But that can’t be right, can it? Are they already in that level? Like sure, Tony flirts like he breaths but that’s him. Steve on the other hand though... he’s old school.

When did Steve become so comfortable around Tony to flirt back? As if Tony’s not amazingly fucked before, now he really is.

**

When SHIELD fell along with a huge part of HYDRA — because they have to face it, there’s no assurance that they have completely annihilated the secret organisation — and Steve discovered that his soulmate is alive, Tony is torn between being happy for Steve and accepting the loss of someone he never had in the first place. Now that Bucky’s back in the picture, it’s just clear that he wasn’t meant for Steve because the two soldiers managed to find each other despite everything that they went through.

Star-crossed lovers is what they are. How could Tony compete with that?

Accepting facts is easy because it has logical evidence. But nonetheless, it doesn’t mean it will hurt less. No, it felt like someone took away the warmth and light that Tony relied on while he was looking away.

The days pass by in a blur of insignificance without Steve in the tower. Without Steve in his life. But Tony knows he needs to get use to it because this is his burden to carry. He deserves this. Right?

The times when he can’t breath thinking of how alone he is again. Alone like back in Afghanistan, in that cold cave with faint lighting and too many dark corners. He can’t say Steve’s name because it feels wrong. Steve isn’t his to love and to hold. The supersoldier belongs to Bucky.

And Tony... he belongs to be alone. Just like how Howard had always said.


	2. Send My Love to Your Old Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for my beta, [Leez](https://hotmessmuffin.tumblr.com/).
> 
> And thank you if you're still here and reading this.
> 
> This chapter introduces Bucky, thus, it's going to include mentions of his murder of the Starks, his trauma, and his brainwashing. None are detailed. Just mentioned. I don't think this needed saying since we all know he went through all that but in case someone needed a heads up.
> 
> That's it. Hope you like this chapter! :)

_“You remind me of the stars in the sky because I don’t ever want to stop looking at the sky. I don’t ever want to stop looking at the sky. And I don’t ever want to stop looking at you. You’ve captivated my mind, my heart, and my soul. The flower from previous woes have now grown into beautiful roses. As beautiful as it seems I’m finding it hard to breathe because reality has hit me and I know I can never call you one word: mine.”_ **_-biancandbeanstalk_ **

**

Steve comes back to the tower with Barnes in tow. And stupidly, that’s not the knife that metaphorically kills Tony. No, it’s Captain America’s grave news about learning of his parents’ murderer: James Barnes AKA The Winter Soldier.

‘It’s not his fault, Tony,’ Steve reasons out. Tony knows Steve will always take Barnes’ side no matter what. ‘HYDRA made him do it.’ There’s guilt and hatred in his voice that’s simply heartbreaking to hear. ‘Please help him.’

Tony knows he shouldn’t, that he can say ‘no’ and ‘fuck you’, and he won’t be the bad guy because Steve just opened an old wound that had never truly healed - it just scabbed over his heart and disfigured his insides. He’s mourning for his mother once again. He’s allowed to be angry.

But it’s Steve. Tony loves Steve, and he knows his mother would want him to heal and forgive. And there’s also that grieving look in Bucky’s eyes that Tony finds familiar.

So, who is Tony to deny Steve of anything? The super soldier’s happiness is important to Tony. Achingly so.

It also helps their case that Tony had been sent files about the torture that Barnes had undergone in the hands of HYDRA. It’s a miracle the ex-assassin managed to survive after those constant tormenting: the memory wiping, the unwanted operation, the inhumane training, and other more disgusting activity HYDRA planned.

Masochistic must be Tony’s middle name. Should have been because he does help Steve and Barnes.

Helping the two soul bonded doesn’t mean he fully forgive Barnes. No, that will take time. Lots of time because it’s about his mother. Maria Carbonell Stark whom Tony loves dearly. The woman who understood that Tony needed to be human before he could don the mask of a Stark man even when Howard was such a horrible husband.

His parents weren’t soulmates. Their union was nothing but a business deal.

Some people, like his parents do marry someone even when they are not soul bond. There is a statistics that say it works. But only a small percentage. Mostly, like Maria and Howard’s, fails. It’s like the universe cursing the union for trying to defy the odds.

Those who do defy the odds are small and brave and strong. Tony is none of those, so despite his old age — Rhodey says that thirty-six is the new twenty-three, or something — he tried not to settle down with anybody else except his soulmate. Only now, even his soul bond is a condemnation from the universe.

So much for waiting. He should have gone with Pepper, or Rhodey.

‘Don’t worry I’ll marry you when you reach forty, Antoshka, if you couldn’t find your soulmate,’ Natasha tells him one time he vents to her about his single-ness predicament.

Tony only cuddles further into her warm embrace. ‘But then you’ll be stuck with me.’ He throws his head back a bit to look up to her. ‘What about your soulmate?’

It’s mild but the Black Widow’s eyes flinch with pain. Just for a second. Tony could have missed it but he knows Natasha by now. They’re best friends after that green pistachio ice cream incident in which they have slowly learned to trust each other and now here they are, cuddling to make Clint gag.

‘They’re probably dead.’ She’s not meeting Tony’s eyes as she looks ahead on the TV. There’s enough nonchalance in her voice that sounded fake.

Tony doesn’t ask how she knows. He only wraps himself into her tighter and wishes that she didn’t have to suffer under the Red Room. But he can’t change their pasts. He can only wish for a better path for here on out.

Same goes for Barnes. And just like for Natasha, Tony can pave a great present and future for Bucky. Isn’t that what he’s been trying to do after Afghanistan to redeem himself from all the wrongs of his past?

He understands them both better because he took the same path and carry around a guilt that no amount of self-redemption could lessen the weight of. A road littered with blood and corpses. A road that he doesn’t want to take anymore because this is not the legacy he wants to leave behind.

Sometimes he wonders if this is why he’s close friends with Natasha — that could almost compete with his two decades friendship with Rhodey —  is because she understands what it’s like to be broken. It might be the whole birds with the same feather adage. Or maybe it’s because he’s wise enough to make friends with broken people because they know how to survive.

Yes, he’s one, but there are times when he feels like he can’t do it anymore. Then he thinks back of the hell he went through and at the same time the hell he have brought, of all the amending he has to make for his mistakes. The latter alone keeps him moving forward, just like Natasha and Barnes, because he’s alive for a reason. And he won’t waste this second chance he got to turn his bloody legacy into something close to a shining beacon of hope for the future.

And isn’t that what he is? A futurist.

A man with an ambition to make the world safe for the future generation. Cliche as it may sound. But it’s the truth.

So, he needs to start working on the places he can fix. On the people he can help. People he believes have potential to makes the world safe.

Maybe he helps Barnes for Steve, but at the same time he helps the POW because he refuses to be a monster. He refuses to carry around a hate that his mother would never want for him.

**

‘Tony, it’s time for bed,’ Natasha informs as she walks into the workshop. She’s been very strict with his sleeping and eating schedule all thanks to Peppers request to Natasha to keep an eye on him. And when did the two scary redhead team up? Become friends?

‘No.’ He side-eyes her and reasons out that he’s not sleepy yet, but a yawn escapes his mouth. Great, even his own body betrays him.

‘It’s past midnight, Antoshka.’ She raises an eyebrow at him like a mother silently reprimanding her child. ‘You have an early board meeting tomorrow.’

Tony did glare at her. ‘You and Pepper becoming friends is one of the worst things that happened in my life,’ he whines but closes his holograms with a wave of his hand. He’s not stupid enough to try and disobey Natasha. He still wants to continue breathing, thank you very much.

They leave the workshop together and got on the lift.

‘Steve’s been looking for you since the day before yesterday ,’ she tells him blankly. But knowing her, Tony’s sure she’s trying to watch him for reactions.

Except Tony doesn’t have much to say. Only, ‘Really?’ And he even sounds believable as if he didn’t spend the entire week — since Steve’s return — avoiding the Wonder Twins. As if it’s all coincidence that he had lots of things to do in SI, the R&D needed him for some testing, and he had to fly to Wakanda for three days to meet with the genius princess, Shuri, to help with Barnes’ deprogramming.

He’s been busy. Not evasive. And if Pepper found him that one time in his office doing soduko at 1am when he should be home she got him some coffee and closed the door, bless her. Because he couldn’t imagine haunting his workshop as usual, it was team movie night and both Steve and Natasha have override codes.

So, not avoiding. Definitely not.

‘It’s about Bucky’s arm.’ And Natasha really does knows how to pique Tony’s interest because it’s obvious he had been lusting over the metal arm. It’s the engineer in him, really. ‘Steve wants to ask if you can take a look at it because it seems like it’s causing Bucky pain.’

Tony frowns at that. ‘Since when?’

The spy only shrugs. ‘You should ask Steve. Or better... Bucky.’

‘Sure,’ he tells her. Not knowing if he was bluffing or not. Maybe he should ask Natasha and save himself from stressing out over whether he should pull the band-aid in one go or peel it slow. She always seems to have the answer.

There’s that nagging thought at the back of his head as well that the spy had noticed his forced habit of calling Steve by any and all names but his first name,  throwing the most ridiculous nicknames he can find at the man while keeping him at arm's length. But it’s not as if it’s suspicious that Tony’s using nicknames instead of names because he’s quite well-known for it. The only question is that if Natasha had been keen enough to figure out his deepest and darkest secret.

What will Natasha tell him if she knows that he’s Captain America’s soulmate? Maybe request him not to get between Steve and Barnes. That’s what people would say because that’s the right thing.

The elevator arrives on Tony’s floor, the penthouse suite. JARVIS opens the door.

‘Tony,’ she calls at him as he steps out.

He turns to look at her.

‘It’s okay,’ she says solemnly. ‘You don’t have to forgive him if you don’t want to.’ She stares into him, eyes colouring with genuine sincerity, just a dab of softness to the sides of her mouth. How he’d come to be so close to her to be able to read these things, he wouldn’t remember. Maybe it was all the time they’d been forced to work together, rub shoulders while sharing traumatic experiences.

After the fall of SHIELD, Tony thought she would set up camp by Steve’s side. But she still guards his corner. If he allowed himself, he’d probably hug her and weep. He’s allergic to any show of emotion though, and so was Natasha. Although they have been subtly disgustingly sweet and caring with each other. Ask Clint.

He only nods because what can you say to that exactly?

Natasha gives back a small nod in return and clicks the lift’s close button.

The spy is gone but Tony continues to stare at the elevator door and contemplates on what Natasha had just told him. It’s quite perplexing to believe that his pain is valid, that it doesn’t make him a bad person to not forgive Barnes. But then again, he had already decided to.

**

It takes him another day to finally face the music. He hasn’t seen Barnes ever since Steve had brought his soulmate to the tower. Not that Tony’s excited on meeting his competition. Also, there was no competition.

He invited the two super soldiers to his workshop, where he feels safer. The suits will be around him in case he needed a quick escape when it all gets too much for his poor heart. JARVIS will keep an eye out of him, and so will his bots.

‘Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are on their way, sir,’ JARVIS announces.

‘Thanks, J,’ he tells his AI, closing the hologram for the new suit. ‘Let them in.’

‘Duly noted, sir.’

And under three minutes the doors of the shop open, and in stroll the super soldiers. He turns his swivel chair to have a look at the both of them. Maybe he can desensitise himself by looking at them, just so it won’t hurt anymore. Maybe.

The pair of them look weary. The darker-haired one looks on guard but his eyes are wide in marvel.

‘Tony.’ There’s a small relieved smile on the blond’s lips. He’s taking the lead while Barnes’ two steps behind. The sound of his own name on the Captain’s lips make his insides ache but Tony tries to pretend it’s hunger pangs from his recent eighteen hour shift he pulled with the new suit designs.

‘Cap,’ he greets back not bothering to stand up. He then eyes the ex-assassin. ‘And you must be the infamous Winter Soldier.’ He refuses to call him Bucky. They’re not friends. They don’t have to be and that’s fantastic.

‘Tony.’ It sounds like a warning, but it’s usual for Steve.

‘It’s okay, Stevie,’ the Winter Soldier placates. He moves around so he’s next to Steve.

And if Tony’s heart isn’t breaking he’d say that they both make such a beautiful picture and pair. Instead he ignores them both and ignores his pain as he mutely orders the soldier to the medical chair. He keeps it for when he’s injured in battles and refuses to go to the medical bay. Bruce reprimands him for it and keeps saying how he’s not that kind doctor, but nonetheless he still fixes Tony’s injuries.

Barnes stares at the chair like a deer in headlights. The picture of fear is clear in his blue grey eyes.

‘Okay.’ Tony silently makes a mental note. He casually pats the metal table on the other side of him. ‘Sit here, soldier boy.’

There is instant relief in the ex-assassin’s feature. Although it is mild, because he still looks like he is ready to flee at the drop of a hat.

‘Where does it hurt?’ he asks and pulls up his hologram set up to do a full body scan of the man in front of him. Hoping that having something to do with his hands will keep him from getting excited and grabby with the shiny metal arm in his proximity. He has a feeling Barnes doesn’t want it to be touched without consent. His time in Afghanistan had told him that much about having an unwanted _upgrade_. ‘Can I touch it? Is it okay?’

The former POW looks at his soulmate as if he’s trying to find some strength from Steve’s silent assurance. Tony tries not to notice the amount of trust between the soulmates. Tries to ignore the knife digging deep in his chest at witnessing the very thing he can never have.

Barnes nods.

The man looks like an ex-convict no matter which direction you approach him from, Tony finds it a shame, he grew up watching the old reels of the Howling Commandos. He had always looked up to both Barnes and Cap. Mostly to the former because Steve’s shoes are impossible to fill. Even at the young age of five, Tony knows that truth.

So, he’s spent his younger years and teenage years on trying to follow Barnes’ footsteps, the amazing sidekick who quietly helps save the world even when no one acknowledges how much he had done and sacrificed.

He can’t imagine coming out and saying it so bluntly. He'd sound like a fool or a teenager with a silly crush. So, he’ll have to make do with what he can get away with: be his usual, flirty, sauve self. Steve would not get the wrong impression because he’s been a victim — countless of times — of Tony’s debauch personality.

‘JARVIS, what’s the scan say?’ He turns to the screen where several files are opening up thanks to JARVIS. At the same time he tries very hard not to ogle the man before him.

‘There appears to be an overlapping framework, sir,’ JARVIS replies as Tony’s screen fills with the arm’s 3D structure.

He turns to Barnes again, gently lifting the wrist to see the movement and the arm made clinky noises as it moved. The movement seemed natural and that was more than enough to peak his interest. ‘I’m going to open your arm panels and see what’s wrong, okay?’

‘I’m not going to break, you know,’ Barnes deadpans with mild irritation.

He might have used kid’s glove on dealing with Barnes. Really, he should know better than tip-toeing around the man like he’s a walking time bomb. Didn’t he hate it when his friends did that with him before?

‘Is that a challenge?’ he retorts, raising his eyebrows at Barnes. A wicked smile playing on his lips.

Steve says his name again with perfect measurement of Captain-America-is-upset-with-you.

And before he can roll his eyes on Steve, Barnes grins widely at him like the brainwashed assassin can’t believe how lucky he's got to be to have discovered Tony’s brand of humour. It’s very special and rare, and it offends lots of people most of the time.

‘Let’s see what you got, Stark,’ Barnes throws back, amusedly.

**

Despite trying to avoid The Wonder Twins, Tony finds himself alone with Barnes more often in his workshop than the times he sees or talks to Steve. Not that Steve doesn’t try to have a conversation with him. He just refuses to speak with his teammate.

They both walk on eggshell. And it’s not like Tony wants to close the gap between them, because he doesn’t want to. Well, logically he shouldn’t because he needs to move on. But at the same time he painfully craves to have Steve back in his life like before.

Can’t always get what you want.. This is it for Tony. He should start to accept that. He should. Even if it’s hard.

Barnes goes down to Tony’s shop all by himself now, refusing to have Steve around to metaphorically hold his hand. The other super soldier believes it’s better for his healing, to get slow independence on his own.

Princess Shuri’s device must be working, and so is the therapy because Barnes looks better than when Tony had first seen him. And it’s been only a month.

He wants to be happy with Barnes since they’ve somehow became kindred-spirits with how they both undergone body changes they never wanted. And he knows that the PTSD isn’t a walk in the park either.

But they’re not friends. They’re acquaintances, doctor-patient, housemates. Nothing more. And it shouldn’t be more. He should be afraid if he starts to crave for more.

‘Tony, Tasha told me to come and get you for din—,’ Bruce cuts off.

‘Hey, Bruciebear,’ Tony flashes his friend a smile and closes the metal panels in Barnes’ arm. ‘Dinner time?’

Bruce nods. ‘Tasha’s finishing with the cooking so she asked me to come and get you,’ he explains, studying Barnes’ arm thoughtfully. ‘And this thing is connected to his brain?’

‘Yes.’ He stands up from his chair and pops his back into place. ‘I’ve had JARVIS scan it. It’s quite revolutionary. But at the same time it needs great improvements because it’s sloppy work, very inefficient.’

‘Hmmm...’ Bruce continues to stare at the arm. ‘Maybe Dr. Cho can help you improve the motor neuron function commands from his primary motor cortex.’

‘I’ve thought of that.’ He puts his hands on his hips. ‘Helen said she’ll try to drop in two weeks from now, since she’s busy with the Regeneration Cradle at the moment.’

‘The Regeneration Cradle?’ Bruce’s eyes grow wide with amazement. ‘You’ve finished it?’ He puts a supportive hand on Tony’s shoulder, a grin creeping on his face. ‘Congratulations!’

Tony nods, refusing to blush. ‘Thanks.’

Bruce squeezes his shoulder softly. ‘I’m really happy for you, Tony. It’s going to help a lot of people.’

‘Well, that’s the plan.’ He shrugs, feeling embarrassed by the praise coming from another brilliant mind. Maybe an even better genius than he ever will be. ‘And I was hoping it’ll help Winter Wonderland here as well.’

And they both turn to Barnes, who looks annoyed at being ignored and talked about like he’s not in the same room as the two scientist.

‘I don’t think I have been introduced yet,’ Bruce mentions.

Tony jumps off at the chance for a change of topic. He doesn’t like being the centre of attention. No matter what the media says. Well, he actually does like being the star of the show, but only if he has control on what’s about to happen. Praise makes him uncomfortable, maybe it's because the concept had been unfamiliar for so long.

‘That is so rude of me,’ he jokes. ‘Brucie-bear meet the Winter Soldier a.k.a., Captain America’s best friend and soulmate, a.k.a. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.’ He gestures to the super soldier sitting on the metal table. ‘Barnes,’ he begins as he turns to the said man who appears to be quite tense now, ‘meet the incredible, brilliant , Dr. Bruce Banner. He has like seven Ph.Ds. it's frankly amazing.’

Barnes isn’t even looking at the man he’s being introduced to. No, his blue grey eyes are wide with shock as they dig into Tony’s face. His whole body is rigid with tension that wasn’t there like six seconds ago.

‘And he also turns into a sublime green being that can get you and Cap a run for your money on being The Strongest Avenger.’ He tries very hard to ignore the sudden changes in Barnes, knowing it won’t do good if he hovers over him now like a mother hen. That’s Steve’s job. Not that he’s not concerned with Barnes’ well-being, too. It’s only that he understands that sometimes your nightmares haunt you with no warning or whatsoever.

No time or place is safe for the traumas to make their appearance. Tony knows that. In a snap of a finger a moment can suddenly feel like your skin doesn’t fit anymore, or the room becomes too small or too loud or too quiet. It doesn’t make sense.

‘Nice to finally meet you, Sergeant Barnes.’ Bruce reaches his right hand forward with a smile.

But Barnes’ eyes are glued on Tony’s face like he’s disbelieving the genius’ existence.

It’s not yet a panic attack, but Tony fears it will become one. He wants to reach out to Barnes and tell the man to breathe in and out, only he doesn’t. How could he? The incredulity slowly morphs into terror behind Barnes’ eyes. The same grey blue ones that are turned to Tony.

There’s no denying the presented facts. Barnes’ is triggered by Tony. He’s currently Barnes’ Boogeyman.

Tony expects the pain, the ones that always comes when they see him as he sees himself: a monster. Hate will follow fear in the process. And he’s not ready to see those emotions on Barnes’ eyes pointed at him. He couldn't stand to disappoint another one of his heroes.

And before either of the scientists can ask what’s wrong, since Bruce has noticed as well, Barnes mutters a, ‘I have to go,’ before he leaves abruptly like he can’t stand to be in the same room as Tony.

To say that it hurts Tony would be an understatement. Rejection has never been gentle with him, and to think after all these years he should be used to it by now. The years doesn’t numb the pain so that one can get use to it.

He tries to look at the positive side: he’s not going to be bothered very long by Barnes’ rejection because they’re not friends. It’s a good thing they’re not. Even when Tony wanted to be at some point despite telling himself that he doesn’t.

This is exactly for the best. Cutting lose people before he gets too attached.

Not everyone can stomach him as a person, so it shouldn’t be surprising that Barnes had wanted out before whatever they had could have progressed. Hell, Tony’s sure most of his friends are ticking time bombs and would one by one leave him in the future.

He hopes that those days don’t come. But it sure will. He knows it, because Howard had reminded him way too many times that he’s destined to be alone and unloved. It comes along with his legacy as one of the problematic Stark.


	3. Hooked on a Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, thank you to [aoifelaufeyson](http://aoifelaufeyson.tumblr.com/) for beta reading this at the last minute. Thanks a massive, dear. :) And of course, all remaining mistakes are still mine.
> 
> It was Leez's idea actually for the plot to go like this: with Bucky learning that he's Tony's soulmate before Tony learning that he's Bucky's soulmate, too. Because she's brilliant. So, it's all thanks to her.
> 
> We change POV on this chapter. Two new POVs: Nat and Bucky's. Since, we're gonna deal with a Bucky POV, you should be warned that he's going to go through some depressing thought about his Winter Soldier days. And as for Nat's part, it's going to have some mentions of Howard's A+ parenting, which I will probably add in the tag as well.
> 
> Okay, I talked waaaay too much. Thank you for being here, if you're still here. Let's get on with the show. :))

_ “Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.”  _ **_-Kait Rokowski_ **

**

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks of these awkward evasive dance from James and Tony. Natasha’s sure Steve hasn’t noticed yet, he’s too busy focusing on James’ rehabilitation and Avenger business to have detected this game of avoidance between his two best friends. But she saw it.

The two didn’t start up great with how they have Maria’s death between them. And she was sure there won’t be anything more between them besides trying to be civil with each other for Steve’s sake. But of course, he’s Tony Stark and he plans to prove her wrong with how generous he can be with his kindness and forgiveness to those who deserve it.

Natasha’s a testament to Tony’s generosity even after she betrayed his trust, and wrote down words about him that she can never take back all because Fury wanted her to push Tony’s button. The evaluation was all scripted because she somehow got a glimpse of the real Tony Stark in the days she acted as his secretary.

Yes, he’s egotistical but only when he’s trying to annoy people and push their buttons, or when he’s trying to hide the fact that he has a heart and cares too much about how others perceive him. Howard Stark might have been the main root of all the self-doubt he covers up with dramatic performances as he’d heard snippets of Tony’s childhood from the man himself.

Unfortunately, the senior Stark wanted Tony to be a man who should only focus on important things like creating an outstanding future with robotics and science, anything that’s unrelated to both are considered unnecessary. Feelings for example will only get in the way of progress and brilliance, Howard said. And Tony, being the sensitive person that he truly is despite all the hard layers he hides under, had a hard time trying to fulfill his father’s wishes.

And Tony never has, he tells Natasha so. That’s why everything he does will never be good enough, because all his life all he had heard from Howard was how he was never good enough. Stark men are made of iron and Tony’s not there yet, his father implied constantly when he was still alive.

Even when Howard’s rotting in his grave for more than two decades now, Tony continues to carry around the man’s expectation. If Natasha could bring Howard back from the dead, she’d stab him a couple times for all the pain he brought on his son. But she can’t do that, all she can do is help Tony see that he’s a far greater man than his father ever will. 

Both she and Tony had started on the wrong foot, but they have come far away from that awful beginning of lies and manipulations. Now that they have both come clean of their masks and bluffs, they’ve discovered how much they have in common and they draw strength in that as they rely on each other.

By far Tony’s one of the three people she will trust with her life. First has to be Clint, then Pepper, and then the genius. Maybe Coulson too and Steve. It’s a very short list because it’s hard to get on it. They all need to pass by several tests and personal issues first.

Now, Tony’s acting all weird around James. She’s curious and concerned about this sudden change in their dynamic when a few weeks ago Tony couldn't  stop talking about James’ arm and all he planned to do with it, and sometimes when he forgets himself he gushes over the super soldier’s strength and physique. And it’s cute. She can tell he has a crush that he tries to hide but he fails at times when he has this fond and nostalgic smile on his lips when he talks about the James he saw on the old reels.

What’s not cute is the fact that Tony shouldn’t go on with  this infatuation because it’s only set on heartaches. She doesn’t want that for him. Never. He’s been hurt too much and deserved better.

She observes  from a distance and tries  to figure out if Tony had suddenly realised that he had feelings for James that will never be reciprocated and is now doing his very best to keep away from the super soldier.

But then, James is also acting bizarre. The ex-assassin keeps glancing at the genius when Tony isn’t looking. And there’s something about the gaze that’s somehow translates to longing. The why is still blank. She needs to investigate further.

It’s one thing for Tony to avoid James. But it’s another for James to avoid Tony as well but still look at the engineer like he’s itching to touch him and be near him.

Bizarre. Her family is confusing. It’s actually interesting as well. Better than all the spy mission that Fury sends her these days.

Natasha sits down on her usual breakfast chair in the kitchen and watches quietly as James digs holes behind Tony’s back in the living room. The billionaire has his back on the sofa, facing the window that looks out over Manhattan as he talks to someone on the phone in French. Even from this view she can appreciate his form that's perfectly fitted into a charcoal grey suit. She wonders if that’s also the reason why James’ is looking far too many times than should be normal.

What’s it with these super soldiers and Tony? She’s not even going to mention how Steve has the same look towards the resident engineer. Really interesting.

She sips her coffee and formulates a plan to get answers. She might not be a scientist, but she’s not against experiments is all.

**

Tony is a very tactile person, and even more so when he’s exhausted or when he’s lost in his science thoughts. These are the perfect moments to cuddle with him without him being so damn defensive about being snuggled because  _ ‘I’m a grown ass man, Natasha _ .’

And yes, she had mentioned a lot of times that she doesn’t like to be embraced as well. Especially in public, and how any show of emotion or affection makes her defensive, too. But she gives an exception to Tony. Because he’s Tony.

At first, she was wary of Tony. Of anyone for that matter. She doesn’t want to get attached because she’s a spy, an assassin, a seductress. In short, someone who’s not made — the Red Room guaranteed that — for permanent domesticity because they’re weapons first, and people last.

They’re only people when the work needed them to be. But it’s all a façade in the end because they will always come back to their original role: a weapon. It’s their function. It’s how they were brought up to think.

Not anymore for her. Thanks to SHIELD. But habits stick and so does the brainwashing, and everything else that’s been fed to her from the moment she was able to understand words and orders.

So, she’s always cautious. She doesn’t want to get attached.

But she did, because it’s Tony. The genius is an idiot who has sacrificial tendencies engraved into his bone that’s borderline —nine out of ten — exasperating. And also, because he’s funny and different.

And as time moved  further they grew to gravitate towards each other for comfort often enough that it became a habit. One she doesn’t want to depart with because she likes being close to Tony. He feels safe. And safe in their line of work is scarce. And what’s rarer is her finding someone she can trust like she trust him. So that’s that.

‘Now, that Tony’s here we have to start with the whole  _ Star Wars  _ saga,’ Clint announces. ‘Since Barnes hasn’t seen them yet.’

It’s the first team movie night that Tony is attending since James arrived. And she already made sure that the seat next to her will be empty so the engineer can have it. She usually sits with Clint, but he’s sitting next to Sam, Steve’s veteran friend.

Before James’ arrival, Steve and Tony have always sat together because Cap’s the only one who can tolerate the genius’ unnecessary — and most of the time, funny — commentary. Cap always smiles on Tony’s jokes during movie nights. 

It’s ridiculous and silly how they both get along so well — although they do tend to rile each other up at times. Still, they work together in perfect synchronization that at one point she believed that they must be soulmates or something. But Cap is bonded to James (who was believed to be dead at the time). So, is it possible for him to have another soulmate? Because that’s the only explanation she can come up with with how much Steve and Tony complement each other. 

Their science hasn’t explained much about soulmates and the other mysteries about it. By far, the only law about it is someone mentioning your name or your preferred name and then your bonded. 

Thinking back now, she’s still curious on whether Steve and Tony could have been soulmates? Is that even possible? They both continue to steal glimpses of each other, only now it’s more like of the glances that James is throwing at Tony.

What is up with these three?

‘I don’t know,’ Bruce inserts, taking his place next to Thor, who’s currently eating pop tarts. ‘Do we really want to start another long discussion about Luke Skywalker?’

‘The new  _ Star Wars  _ then?’ Clint offers.

Bruce shakes his head with a soft smile. ‘Clint, you’re not the one who’s going to have to listen to him soliloquy about Poe.’

‘Fine.’ He rolls his eyes sarcastically. ‘What do we watch then?’

‘ _ Mamma Mia _ !’ Thor bellows excitedly. ‘I have great likeness when Friend Anthony sings along to the hymns. It reminds me of home after winning a battle when me and my companions feast and the bards plays a tune we can all carol to.’

‘This is absurd,’ Tony exclaims as he enters the room. ‘That was one time, Point Break.’ He sternly glares at Thor, mockingly. ‘I trusted that you’d keep that secret close to heart and guard it with your life. But no, you have to unravel these happenings behind my back where I cannot defend my honour.’

‘I apologise, my good friend,’ Thor amends, smiling and looking far from apologetic. ‘You have a fantastic voice that needs to be shared and heard by our friends.’

Tony’s gaze wanders for two seconds on the seat next to Cap that James occupies. But the engineer immediately darts his eyes away and proceeds to the empty one next to Natasha.

She wants to say it’s not hurt she saw in Tony’s eyes when he surreptitiously glances at the two super soldiers. But clearly it’s a little bit of that because he’s suddenly all stiff and talkative as he sits down next to her.

‘And no, we cannot watch  _ Mamma Mia _ just to please Point Break,’ he announces. ‘That was only a one time occasion because he was homesick and moping around.’ He leans further into Natasha’s side. ‘If it’s all the same to you guys, we should go with  _ Twilight _ .’

Everyone makes an exasperated groan, except for James, who doesn’t have any idea about the turmoil ahead of them.

‘Oh please, at least they had great casting,’ Tony chides. ‘Not like you-know-who creator.’

‘You only like it because you think Dr. Cullen is hot,’ Clint retorts back and throws a popcorn at Tony.

‘Wait, I thought you said you watch it because of Alice?’ Steve interjects, turning to the genius.

Tony only shrugs at the blond and stares ahead on the wide TV screen. ‘J, put on some  _ Twilight _ , please.’

There’s another series of displease voices as the room darkens further and the screen bursts into life. And as on cue, Tony curls more into Natasha’s side when the lights dim.

Solely on instinct, she wraps her arm on his shoulder to pull him closer to her as he lets out a quiet, satisfied sigh. Their whole side glued together as they get comfortable in their position.

Bella’s narrating the opening scene when Natasha feels being watched. And she knows she is because her instincts tells her so, and her instincts are always ninety-eight percent correct. So, she looks around subtly to investigate.

Viola! It’s James.

The two super soldiers are across them, just on the other end of the U-shape couch. She and Tony are on the other end with Sam and Clint in the middle.

And yes, that’s James secretly throwing a glare at her and Tony. The engineer on the other hand seems to be oblivious, concentrating on the movie. Steve is also watching the screen along with everyone else that is not her or James.

Why is James so mad at Tony?

She meets his eyes because she won’t stand it that he’s trying to threaten the engineer. James have to go through her first. Or her through him. She’s opting for the latter.

When James is caught, he looks away immediately. He didn’t seem chastise that she scowls back at him. He looks away, but there’s that annoyance in his features as he turns his eyes back towards the screen.

She’s going to ask Tony later if James is threatening him. She’s not going to let James bully Tony in his own household. She doesn’t care what Steve says.

Appeased with her decision to talk to James later about his attitude towards their resident genius, she also begins to watch the movie and pulls Tony even closer into her side.

And just as expected, Tony made a running commentary about the movie. But halfway through he’s out like a light and is leaning peacefully into Natasha’s chest, where he snores slightly. She’d had a mission these last two days and he made sure to snatch the opportunity to defy his regulated sleeping schedule. Even Bruce couldn’t drag him out of his workshop.

So, it’s no surprise at all to have him exhausted and asleep at any given time of stillness.

She’s petting his hair softly, loving how it curls at the end. She also likes the low mewls he makes when she cards her fingers through his hair. She’ll say he sounds like a cat, but she won’t tell him that because he’s going to pout and will only make him more adorable.

How she loves these few moments of vulnerability from him. He looks so peaceful like this, younger than when he’s awake and ready to fight anything that he thought was wrong.

Somehow, having him like this in her arms kicks off a bit of her maternal instincts. It’s a part of her that she doesn’t show often, that she refuses to. Only in times like this when it’s dark, when she it’s just them.

She looks up to the screen again to where Bella’s on Edward’s back and jumping from tree to tree like a couple of idiots. That’s when she senses it again; the presence of someone watching her.

She turns and there’s James again: staring. He doesn’t glare this time. His feature is cross between incredulity and hurt. He also seems to have not notice her watching him because his eyes aren’t fix on her. No, those blue grey eyes are laser focus on Tony.

James whole face is a picture of longing. And she’s not sure why is that. Why does he keep looking at Tony like that? It doesn’t add up to the theory she has in her head.

**

Taking himself back into sanity has not been an easy journey, just ask his therapist and the amount of tea he has at 2am when he doesn’t want to go back to sleep because the nightmares continue to unravel — one after another — once he closes his eyes. Not that being awake helps him forget the faces of the people he killed, but he’s trying to humour himself.

And his conscience doesn’t take it too well when he wakes Steve up when he starts screaming in his sleep. They’ve decided to sleep in separate rooms before when Bucky’s just healing up. Now they sleep in the same room, but still on different beds.

He wants to think that it’s Steve’s presence that keeps most his nightmares away. It might be the whole soulmate thing. Only that, it’s still difficult for them both when it comes to waking Bucky from his nightmares. Five times had he managed to punch Steve in the face. Twice had he choked his lover. And there are a few more instances that he wants to forget.

His therapist tells him it’s normal. That he should not worry too much. That he’s doing his best. And that he’s getting better.

On the first few weeks he wanted to ask his therapist, Sasha, about the last one. He’s getting better. But when? When is he going to fully recover? When will he stop sleeping under the bed at times he doesn’t feel safe to sleep on his mattress even when he had checked the door four times to know that it is completely locked, with JARVIS assuring him that he is safe.

He screamed at her a few times on days he can’t help himself. Those were during the first few weeks of therapy. They were the toughest days. The longest days, too.

He had long accepted now that healing takes time. He knows it before but he doesn’t have the right presence of mind to learn to accept it. He’s still trying to do so on his bad days. And Christ, there will always be bad days.

The bad days are fewer now. He’s glad they are. But they are still there, there’s no way he’s going to forget, or that his demons will ever not remind him. At least it isn’t always going to be bad days even when he's constantly awake at the wee hours of the morning.

But these last weeks he’s been awake at some forsaken early hour for a different reason. The nightmares still come but with the help of therapy they’re scarcer than they were before.

The reason why he’s drinking tea at 2am this time around is because of Tony. Who knew such a harmless looking man could contest his nightmares at keeping him up. He wants to complain but he prefers this over his usual turmoil.

At the back of his head he can hear Sasha’s voice telling him to talk to someone. Communication is a key in fixing Bucky’s usual problems. And he should probably listen to that small voice.

It’s not like he hasn’t tried. God, for the last two weeks — blending into three now — he had tried to say something to Steve. He can tell that Steve knows he’s anxious about something. But well, Bucky’s  _ constantly _ troubled about everything — thank you very much, HYDRA assholes — so Steve won’t push him to open up unless Bucky wants to.

He really needs to talk to Steve about it because it’s eating him up. It makes him feel guilty and he’s actually surprise there’s still room in him to feel guilty about something else other than taking the lives of those innocent people HYDRA had told him to eliminate.

Natasha already noticed him acting weird. And it’s going to take a spy of her calibre to find out his dirty little secret. And when she does, she’s going to tell Tony and Steve. Steve will be heartbroken. And Tony? Well, the engineer’s probably going to kick him out of his home.

Just two nights ago Natasha had warned him to stay away from Tony — and he’s trying isn’t he? — or else she’s going to do some very interesting things with his anatomy that would put HYDRA’s torture to shame. And he believes her. She had been his pupil before, one of the best he’d taught by far.

His mental health is once again in jeopardy all because of one single man. One beautiful, smart, kind man.

‘I’m starting to think I should keep a tracking device on you,’ a voice states, startling Bucky from his internal tumult.

He looks up and finds the very man that’s adding to his insomnia: Tony Stark. 

The man yawns reluctantly and hides it at the back of his hand. He’s all sleepy eyes and bedhead hair, all soft and at ease. It makes Bucky want to reach out and touch his warm skin because he feels so cold all of the sudden. Tony looks very warm.

‘Why you up, Robocop?’ the engineer asks. He walks tiredly towards the coffee machine and turns it on. ‘Do you want some coffee?’

‘No,’ he answers and continues on staring at his now empty cup of tea.

The silence blankets around them with only the coffee machine breaking its wake. It’s awkward, he’s not sure if Tony notices or if he minds. But Bucky wants to fill it with something. A question that’s been bugging him since his last few days of observation, and especially after the team movie night.

Although, he isn’t in the right place to ask anything — especially not personal — he’s itching to do so. There’s no settling in peace unless he can voice out his query because it’s digging deep into his bones, his mind, his soul. He needs answers.

The problem is: he’s afraid to ask. Afraid to have his hunch confirm. Afraid of the truth that lies ahead.

Jesus Christ, his life is hard.

‘Are you okay?’ Tony inquires worriedly that brings Bucky out of his headspace.

‘What?’ he asks dumbly, confuse as to why all the sudden concern.

‘Shit!’ The engineer grabs something and dabs it softly on Bucky’s hand. On Bucky’s flesh hand that is, which at the moment is bleeding. ‘Oh shit!’

It’s not that painful, is what Bucky thinks as he sees the blood on the light grey breakfast bar from where he had broken the cup he  _ was _ holding. He only glances it for a few seconds knowing that it will heal in a while. Super soldier serum benefits. His eyes fleet to Tony though, who is more awake now with how he’s panicking at the sight of Bucky’s blood.

‘I’m sorry for running your table,’ he mumbles weakly, feeling guilty for the bloody table and Tony’s concern for cleanliness.

‘What?’ Now, it’s Tony who’s in disbelief. ‘Are you seriously apologising for bleeding?’

Bucky looks away from those brown eyes, not wanting to see them morphing from disbelief to disgust or anger. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up.’

There’s a short pause. A short time where Bucky expects Tony to say sarcastically ‘Well, I certainly hope so.’ But instead, there’s a warm finger on his jaw making him face Tony.

And how on earth was Tony so close to him. He’s so near that Bucky can count the genius’ long lashes that frames those beautiful hazel eyes, now burning with concern. Why should Tony be concern about him? The genius should be disgusted to touch him; the skin of his parents' murderer.

‘It’s okay,’ Tony soothes, his other hand on Bucky’s good shoulder, touching Bucky instead of being mad because he's Tony. Kind and generous Tony who forgives, and sees everyone else's redeeming qualities rather than their flaws. ‘You shouldn’t apologise for something you can’t help.’

Bucky’s not sure anymore if this is still about the cup or something else. Something else like the death of Tony’s parents which he had a hand with.

‘But I should,’ he whispers weakly. ‘Right?’ He meets those conflicting brown eyes.

Tony removes his finger on Bucky’s face like he’s remembering that he’s not suppose to touch. Then the other hand goes as well — awkwardly.

And he suddenly misses Tony’s warmth.

‘Yes,’ he answers firmly. ‘But not forever.’ There’s resolve in his eyes now as if he’s trying to convince someone. Maybe Bucky? Maybe himself? Bucky doesn’t have the courage to ask.

Except. He has the audacity to ask, ‘So, you and Natasha, huh?’

‘What?’ Tony’s so surprise by the question he takes a step back away from Bucky like he’s been physically threatened by the simple query. ‘What do you mean me and Natasha?’ His eyes narrow, meaning he’s suspicious and about to be defensive.

Huh, when did he start to learn these little Tony quirks? Bucky tells himself that it’s because he’s a trained spy and old habits are hard to shake off. But also, a smaller part of him knows that that is a fucking huge lie because he’s been following and observing Tony these last two weeks after the whole  _ incident _ .

‘Nothing,’ he replies. ‘Just wanna know since when? And how?’ He cleans the table top with the piece of cloth he’s been handed. The laceration is closing and looking like it's a week old.

Tony lets out an exasperated sigh and runs a hand over his face. ‘Where do these sudden questions come from?’ He’s got two hands on his hips now, sounding defensive as expected.

He shrugs. ‘Just curious.’ He turns on the faucet and rinses the cloth with blood, running the water red. He deliberately avoids meeting Tony’s eyes, playing nonchalant when he’s actually  _ burning  _ with curiosity as to Tony’s relationship with the other spy.

‘Curious of what, Barnes?’ Natasha asks, emerging from the shadows unexpectedly. She’s giving him that threatening look again. The one that could make a lesser person cower. And Bucky’s not immune to it either.

Bucky doesn’t cower though, even when he knows he should because only fools rush in. But he needs answers once and for all. He can’t take another second not knowing what exactly is the relationship between Natasha and Tony.

‘Curious as to when and how did you know that Stark is your soulmate,’ he replies, taking on those dangerous green eyes.

Tony ungracefully chokes on his coffee. And within a flash Natasha’s there beside the genius to help him out, rubbing a sympathetic hand on his back as he wheezes air back into his wind pipes.

She’s so careful with the engineer; Bucky can see that. And Tony’s calm with her; Bucky’s jealous of that.

He looks away, afraid he’ll break something else with how much annoyed he is with the current predicament. Because why is he jealous? He shouldn’t be jealous. He has Steve, whom he needs to talk to, or else he’ll go crazy with this insane secret he’s been hiding for two weeks now.

He can probably keep his mouth shut for a longer amount of time. But that won’t do great with his mental health, which is one of his top priorities right now.

Besides, it’s getting harder and harder to hide his secret with Tony around, all kind and generous and soft and beautiful, and everything Bucky should not crave for. He shouldn’t because he has Steve. And he needs to mend his relationship with Steve.

Steve who is his soulmate. Steve whom he was willing to die for — had died for. Steve who’s willing to die for him, and go through hell and back. Steve whom he loves so much.

And Tony whom he loves  _ almost  _ just the same.

His gone crazy, he thinks, if he’s reached this insane conclusion. He loves Tony? It can’t be. Right? He can’t. He shouldn’t because he loves Steve. He’s bonded to Steve. And he doesn’t know Tony like he knows Steve.

Right?

But he does know Tony. Or is getting to know him.

Tony who would choose to save someone else over himself. Tony’s who’s always showing off to mask his insecurities. Tony who keeps all the Iron Man drawing he receives from his fans. Tony who makes time to go to children’s hospital and secretly pay off the bills of those who can’t. Tony who’s not flawless but tries to make amends when he can.

So, maybe he does know Tony. A little.

Also, he already knows Tony is kind, generous, smart, snarky, brave and gorgeous. And when he laughs — truly laughs, not like the ones he does for show— it’s small but deep and hearty like nothing in the world had ever been wrong. It’s beautiful, just like the man himself. Bucky wants to hear Tony laugh some more.

There’s so much more about the genius that he wants to uncover. And he wants, too. Very much.

So, yes, he’s fucked.

**


	4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here, thank you for sticking around! But heavens, you should not trust me. :D
> 
> Of course, my beta for this chapter had been nothing short but amazing. Thank you so much [12AngelOfDarkness21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/12AngelOfDarkness21/pseuds/12AngelOfDarkness21)!!! (PSA: all remaining mistakes are still mine because I can't write on/at/in properly and so much other more grammar rules)
> 
> I suck at chapter summary, so I'll just gotta tell you in advance that I have introduced a new character from a different universe. The competition really. So, are y'all ready for Player 3? Well, you don't have much of a choice actually. LOL! But I'm crossing my fingers that you'll like them. And off you go and hope you enjoy!

_ “Addiction is tricky. For example; a man who quit smoking for eleven years spent fifteen seconds in an elevator with a man smoking a cigarette. He gave in. What I’m trying to say is , I think I love you again.” _

 

******

Bucky needs to tell Steve about his conflicting emotions. Not conflicting because he’s very sure about how he feels for the other super soldier. Instead, it’s the additional person that’s messing up with his emotions, making it impossible to be satisfied with what he has, when he selfishly craves for someone who is also — supposedly — his soulmate.

He wants to curse the day that Tony muttered his name so casually, no warmth or feelings. Nothing at  _ all. _ Which hurt, at some point. But not as much as it hurts now, when he can’t tell Steve or touch Tony when he desires to.

Google doesn’t have much about someone who has two soulmates. It rarely happens, according to his research, with  JARVIS’ help, of course.

‘JARVIS?’ he calls out, glancing up at the ceiling, where he knows JARVIS’ cameras are located.

‘Yes, Sergeant Barnes?’ the AI dutifully replies.

Bucky likes having JARVIS around  _ very _ much. The AI is such a great help these last few days, especially when Steve’s been too busy to attend to him. Not that he wants Steve to mother hen him, because that’s really not healthy at all, and besides, he’s the one who suggested independence. But he’s lost his friendship privileges with Tony after the  _ incident _ .

Ah, the loathsome  _ incident,  _ where he’d learned that he’s Tony’s soulmate, while the engineer introduced him to Dr. Banner. And thank heavens he hadn’t uttered Tony’s name or else the genius would have found out about being bonded to Bucky.

He can’t imagine what it feels like to be tied to your parents’ murderer. What a twist of fate. Cruel, cruel fate. Tony really deserves better.

Tony’s the other person who helps him — sometimes — to ease into the current century. It’s refreshing to have him around because he doesn’t mother hen Bucky like Steve would do. It’s a bonus that he’s got a great sense of humour and a truly amazing ass.

He mentally berates himself for thinking about Tony inappropriately. He feels like he’s cheating on Steve and at the same time defiling Tony’s privacy. God, what is  _ wrong _ with him?

‘J, do you know who Tony’s soulmate is?’ he asks, trying to play nonchalant again while secretly hoping the AI doesn’t see right through him. But, perhaps JARVIS does, because why else would his heart suddenly start to beat so nervously? He needs to use his Winter Soldier training and calm himself down. ‘Just out of curiosity, y’know?’ he adds when it takes time for JARVIS to reply. ‘Also, you’re not going to tell Tony that I asked, right?’

_ Shit! _ He should not have asked that at all. Maybe JARVIS has some sort of protocol that reports things back to Tony?

‘I apologise if it took time to answer your query, Sergeant Barnes,’ JARVIS says, sounding more human with his sincerity. Tony makes such awesome creations. ‘I was checking and rechecking my protocols about your first question. I have observed that Sir takes caution with the soulmate agenda.’ There’s another short pause. ‘But upon my inspection, Sir hasn’t announced the matter of his having a soulmate or not.’

Bucky tries to process the new information. It doesn’t confirm or deny his theory about Natasha and Tony.

‘And as to your last query, I would like you to be rest assured that whatever inquiry you ask from me will be kept private,’ the AI continues. ‘Unless it’s a query that conflicts with my major protocol, which is to ensure Sir’s safety along with the residents in the tower.’

He nods at JARVIS. ‘Thanks, J.’

‘Any time, Sergeant Barnes,’ the AI replies.

It’s quiet again. Bucky’s alone with his vexing thoughts.

He needs to talk to Steve. Or he’s going to go batshit crazy.

**

Steve’s nowhere to be found in the tower, even when Bucky’s sure that the blond’s not in the Avengers HQ. He asks JARVIS where his soulmate — his first soulmate, not Tony — is. The AI tells him that Captain Rogers is in the workshop with Sir, surprising Bucky.

The two must have mended things between them. Not that there’s something to mend about, in Bucky’s opinion. Steve wasn’t the one who killed Tony’s parents. Bucky did.

The guilt over that fact will never wear out, will never go away. But there’s still a part of him that  hopes it will.

He gets into the the elevator and asks JARVIS to bring him to the workshop, trying not to fidget with all of his nerves.

It’s only when he’s on the workshop floor when he thinks that perhaps he should leave Tony and Steve alone, for now. To catch up and go back to their old routines as friends. He’s heard a lot of this so-called friendship from Steve’s own mouth, one of the reasons why Bucky had trusted Tony with his arm, even when he had had his doubts about the genius.

‘JARVIS, are they busy inside with something? Is it okay for me to intrude?’ He doesn’t want to disturb the two’s bonding time, but he’s not sure if he’s okay being all by himself right now.

‘It’s perfectly fine to enter, Sergeant Barnes,’ JARVIS replies, and opens the door for Bucky.

He steps into the controlled chaos that is Tony’s workshop. He’ll never stop being awed by the wonders of Tony’s mind and invention. The future is amazing. And he thinks it might be sixty percent because of Tony’s brilliant mind.

‘Tony,’ Steve screams, pulling Bucky out of his astonishment about Tony’s lab.

The said man is actually up in the air. But he’s also falling, for reasons Bucky hasn’t figure out yet, seeing as he only just entered the room.

Steve’s too far to catch Tony. Captain America looks more panicky than Bucky had ever seen him on this side of the century. For a second he’s reminded of Steve’s face before he’d fallen off the train. Maybe not quite that sort of panic yet, but three steps from there.

It’s only thanks to his super soldier reflexes that Bucky manages to catch Tony before the genius can hit the cold, hard floor, saving Tony from a trip to the medical bay that they both have similar hatred for.

‘Oh my god.’ Steve has a hand over his heart, traces of his fright lingering in his voice. ‘You will be the death of me,’ he tells Tony in his patented  _ Captain-America-is-disappointed-with-you _ tone.

Tony scoffs and rolls his eyes at Steve. ‘That’s impossible, Capsicle,’ he states with confidence, and with as much authority he can muster while being carried in Bucky’s arms, bridal style. He’s got an arm over Bucky’s good shoulder. Good thing the man had landed with his back on the flesh arm, instead of the metal one.

‘Well, you’re always trying for the impossible,’ Steve retorts, putting both hands on his hips like a cross mother.

The genius gives Steve a proud beam. ‘One of my personal talents,’ he agrees haughtily, which only makes Steve sigh in resignation. ‘Right,’ he says like he’s only remembering that he’s still in Bucky’s arms and looking everywhere  _ but _ the Winter Soldier’s face. ‘Thanks for the catch, Red October.’ He taps his other hand on Bucky’s metal shoulder. ‘It’s okay to put me down now.’

Bucky obeys. Slowly, and mutely reluctant, but he does.

‘Thanks again,’ Tony says, not meeting Bucky’s eyes for some reason.

‘Do you need to go to medical, Tony?’ Steve asks with a concern he’s trying to mask somehow. ‘Maybe you need to check if there’s a broken rib or bone.’

Tony waves off Steve’s concern and walks away from Bucky. ‘Please, Brooklyn, it’ll take more than a fire extinguisher to break me.’

‘But it almost did,’ Steve points out in annoyance.

‘And in the end, it didn’t,’ Tony concludes, walking further into the lab. He stops near the broken fire extinguisher and a robotic arm, whom Bucky believes to be DUM-E. He pats the bot’s arm, who’s beeping in what sounds like concern. ‘I’m okay, DUM-E. It’s just an experiment gone wrong.’ There’s more beeping sounds that Bucky doesn’t understand, but it seems that Tony does perfectly. ‘Well, that’s lesson learned for you too that fire extinguishers are dangerous little shits.’

‘Tony,’ Steve scolds.

‘What?’ Tony turns to them innocently, still patting DUM-E on its robotic claw.

‘You’re not supposed to swear in front of your kids,’ Steve nags without heat.

‘Right,’ Tony agrees. He turns back to DUM-E. ‘Please don’t use words like fuck and shit because Mr. Rogers gets upset, okay?’ DUM-E beeps something back.

Bucky can’t see it but he can tell the smile on Tony’s voice as he tells his robot the instruction, while in the background Steve makes another sound of protest and mutters a reprimanding, ‘Language, please.’

Tony only glances back at Steve and gives the blond a shit-eating grin, while Steve raises both hands in the air in resignation. But he doesn’t look annoyed, Bucky notes. No, Steve looks far from irritated. The blond man actually has a fond smile on his face despite his attempt to show his vexation.

Steve looks fond. At Tony.

Steve is humouring Tony.

Steve looks fond at Tony _ and _ is humouring Tony.

Fucking hell! Steve Rogers is  _ flirting _ with Tony. Not blatantly, but still... flirting! And Bucky would bet Tony’s whole net worth that Steve doesn’t even know he’s flirting, and practically swooning over Tony fucking Stark.

Of course not. Steve’s loyal to the very core and he’s not going to think about cheating on Bucky. But at the same time he’s a naive punk who won’t even know he’s got a crush even when it’s staring right at him.

And on the other hand, Bucky’s actually not jealous about Steve’s obvious-but-not-so-obvious crush on Tony. On the contrary he’s quite fine with it.

He’s fine with it. Why is he fine with it? He’s not supposed to be fine with it, right? Right? But he  _ is _ fine with it.

This is a wonderfully, truly fucked up situation. What even is his life right now?

**

‘Remind me again why I need to be here?’ Rhodey asks dryly. His smile getting tighter by the minute. Tony also notes that his best friend looks tired.

‘Because,’ he not-whines, ‘I needed a wingman. Somehow.’

Rhodey sighs in disbelief. ‘Tony, this is not what the charity event is for,’ he lectures. ‘Finding a one night stand material isn’t why Pepper wants you in these events.’

He scowls at his best friend. ‘I know, platypus,’ he agrees, winding his arm through Rhodey’s. ‘But this is the best place to find someone of my calibre.’ The black man only narrows his eyes at him, as if he’s trying to piece Tony’s thoughts  together.

‘You’re not dying from another poisoning, are you?’ He sounds worried, and Tony hates that Rhodey has to have some traumatic stress because of him.

‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘I just need a new distraction,’ he explains as he subtly eyes Steve from across the room, laughing at whatever Sam is telling him. He looks away immediately, in the fear of getting caught by Rhodey or Steve. ‘I’ve been thinking about settling down these last few months. Maybe.’

Rhodey only stares at him, studying Tony’s face and reading him. ‘That’s great.’

‘Yeah,’ he agrees, and gives his best friend a smile. He expects Rhodey to ask him about details for his plan to settle down, or about his soulmate. But his darling sugar plum didn’t. Thank heavens for that. Because honestly, he’s not sure how he’s going to answer that query.

How does one tell your best friend that you’ve found your soulmate, but will settle for someone else? It’s not very common for people to ignore their soulmates and marry someone else, because such relationship are often doomed. Take Howard and Maria’s for example. Only a lucky few has been able to defy the laws of the universe, been able to stay happy and together despite not marrying their soulmates.

And Tony plans on being one of those lucky few, or so help him.

Besides, if he doesn’t find a suitable proxy, Natasha did say she’ll marry him. So, he’s not really losing here. In your face, universe.

His eyes wander to Steve again. He knows he said he’s going to let go, that he needs to stop being such a fool and move on. For Steve’s sake. And for his own sake, too.

Steve’s in navy blue tux, perfectly fitting him. He looks beautiful like he always does, but even more so than usual. And he’s standing there in radiance, representing everything Tony wants but can never have.

The pain follows like it always does, because fuck his life. Nobody has died of heartache though, right? He  _ will _ survive this. He’s Tony Stark. Stark men are made of iron.

‘Shall we go rub elbows with your potential spouse?’ Rhodey teases, knowing exactly when best to pull Tony out of his dark thoughts. And this is why he likes Rhodey the best.

He wishes he’d been mated to Rhodey instead. That would have been easy. It’s never painful with Rhodey, it’s always easy. As easy as breathing.

‘Lead the way, sour patch,’ he replies.

**

Who knew trying to find a prospective mate is as hard as looking for a needle in a haystack. The answer is to bring a magnet. But he’s not quite sure if the magnet that he often uses to make people fawn over him is enough to pull a genuine needle towards him.

And try he will to attract the perfect needle to himself, metaphorically speaking. He’s always been a firm believer in not giving up unless tested thoroughly, until the facts and evidences are as clear as day.

So, he’s going to endeavour this boring gala when he could be in his shop right now and inventing something that could change the world. Or maybe just play catch with DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers. He’d probably formulate a few new schematics out of that. That’s how boring this gala is, all pretentious smiles and fake conversations with people who probably talk ill-mannered things about him behind his back.

But he’s here for charity and Avenger business. The team needs to shake a few hands and keep their ears on the floor for any information about the current HYDRA base they are trying to track, whom they think have stolen Loki’s magical sceptre from SHIELD.

And just to reprimand himself, he keeps himself to the opposite side of the room, where he’s going to be safely away from the Wonder Twins. Steve’s a distraction enough, not to add one James Barnes into the mess that is Tony’s errant emotions.

He truly needs to stop this pining and move on. But also, why was Rhodey taken away by those military guys for “classified” conversation, when he needed someone to distract him from his own lack of self-preservation? And Pepper’s not even here to help him out either. He should have gone with her to that Spain meeting instead.

‘Tell me, Stark,’ a deep husky voice begins, ‘how’s the green energy front doing?’

Tony’s almost annoyed at being disturbed with his long distance ogling, but he reminds himself that it’s for the best.

‘I can’t say financially better than before because that would be a lie,’ he tells the other billionaire, Bruce Wayne, owner of Wayne Enterprise. ‘But it’s doing great because I’m still richer than you.’ He flashes the man a smug grin.

Wayne only gives him a tight smile. ‘And still funnier, I see.’

‘Of course, Mr. Wayne,’ he agrees. ‘That’s my best selling trait.’ He winks at the man.

The other billionaire only gives a quiet amused huff in return.

‘How is it that you two are here together when there are people out there dying to talk with you?’ Dr. Helen Cho asks rhetorically as she approaches them.

‘Helen,’ Tony exclaims. ‘You’re here. And Banner didn’t even say you were coming.’ He wounds his arms with her. ‘It feels like he’s trying to have you all to himself when he knows very much how I love talking to you.’

‘I don’t think I can say the same about you, Dr. Stark,’ she replies, a small teasing smile on her lips.

But before Tony can react and pretend to be hurt, the other man clears his throat to insert himself in the conversation. ‘Dr. Cho,’ Wayne says as a way of greeting and reaches over for Helen’s free hand to kiss the back of it.

‘Mr. Wayne.’ She offers him a smile as he lets go of her hand. ‘It’s surprising to see you in a Stark event.’

‘Makes me curious too,’ Tony adds, attention back at the other billionaire. ‘I mean, you’re usually only out of your cave for Halloween events, right?’ He looks at him from head to toe, the man wearing a dark black tux, along with everything else that’s as dark as the night. His face is also fixed on a feature that Tony would call a Resting Bitch Face. ‘Although, it’s quite refreshing to have you out and about on these special occasions and representing your goth cult.’

Wayne doesn’t react at all, doesn’t break his stoic eye contact with Tony at the unnecessary comments that most would find annoying. No, Bruce is different. He’s perfectly confident in his own skin, so banters and insults don’t stir him at all.

The black haired man studies Tony for a few more seconds as if waiting for the genius to add more jokes on Bruce’s expense. And when there’s none, he merely looks down at his glass of scotch and stirs it slowly, knowing full well that his two companions are watching and waiting for him to say something in response. But the air in him says so otherwise, Tony notes.

One businessman to another, Tony knows how to read the other like a book. Everybody has telltales, according to Natasha. And right now, Wayne isn’t up to retaliate, but he’s luring them in by acting nonchalant about Tony’s statement, making them wait for whatever is going to happen next. Not to mention the sudden mysterious pause, as if he’s contemplating on something.

And people like them value their time. So, if they are giving it some time to think it over, it means it’s important. Bruce knows that Tony knows this too and he’s taking this opportunity.

‘You might be surprised as to what pulled me here tonight, Stark,’ he states smugly before taking a small sip of his scotch, not breaking eye contact with Tony. He brings his glass down and licks his lips, eyes still not leaving Tony’s. ‘I can promise that it will blow your mind.’

Tony’s only a man. A weak man who hasn’t gotten laid in a  _ long  _ time, so no one should judge him if Wayne’s words pushed his mind into the gutter. And, in his additional defence, Wayne is gorgeous too, even not adding that deep raspy voice. He can imagine that voice whispering filthy things to him while Wayne fu—

Okay, not the time. Not even if he’s trying to move on from Steve and denying his growing infatuation for James. Sometimes his libido and heart just can’t work logically. Both keep wanting things that are bad for him.

On the other hand, maybe what he needs is a quick fuck to forget about Steve. Pepper won’t approve of that solution, and it’ll only get him in hot water with the redhead if he creates more scandal when they’re groundbreaking in Europe with the green energy this month.

‘Now, that’s an offer I can’t refuse.’ He gives Wayne a lewd smile, expecting the other man to either show a hint of annoyance or back off completely. But, contrary to his prediction, Wayne’s eyes only grew more eager. Interesting.

They’ve known each other for a while, since that terrible Stark Expo where Vanko extracted his revenge. And they’ve always been competitive with each other. So, he’s out of his depths as to why Wayne is even interested, and since when.

That, or Tony’s reading it all wrong. But whether Wayne is indeed promising him what Tony is fantasising, or it’s truly just business related, he’s willing to find out either way because it’s the very distraction that he needs.

‘Trust me, you won’t regret it. I’ll make sure of that,’ Wayne vows solemnly, a layer of the smugness from awhile back vanishes, replaced by a small earnest smile. ‘Shall we, Stark?’ He offers his hand out to Tony like the proper gentleman he is.

He’s not sure if Wayne’s voice was suddenly softer than they were before, or if Tony’s imagining shit again. And for the life of him, he  _ didn’t  _ blush. He didn’t. Or maybe he did because Helen’s trying not to smile at Tony’s reaction. He’s not actually sure what’s on his face right now because he didn’t see this coming from Wayne.

He composes himself again and puts on his media mask. ‘Well, since I’ve always been up for anything different,’ he replies lightly and takes Wayne’s offered hand. ‘I guess I’ll see you around, Dr. Cho.’ He unwinds his other arm from hers and places a kiss on her cheek.

‘Sure, Tones.’ She kisses him back and whispers, ‘Enjoy. But not too much.’ And when she pulls back she winks at him cheekily.

Tony laughs at that. Bruce might be right and he’s becoming a bad influence on her. ‘And if you see my dear Rhodey, please tell him Goth Man has me, okay?’ he says while winding his arm through Wayne’s. Helen nods. ‘And you,’ he turns to Wayne, ‘stop calling me Stark it sounds as if we’re strangers when we’re practically frenemies.’ He rolls his eyes at the man.

‘Fine,’ Wayne agrees, though it sounds more like it’s a compromise and not something he happily obliged to. And Tony needs to remember that Wayne is a businessman like himself, who often doesn’t agree to someone else’s demand. They are people who are used to other people agreeing with their condition. ‘As long as you stop calling me Wayne, as well.’

Ah, there’s the compromise.

The other man leads them away from Helen slowly, and they talk as they walk.

‘Fine,’ he agrees, copying Wayne’s — Bruce’s — tone. ‘But that would be very confusing, y’know?’ The other billionaire gives him a quizzical look. ‘I already have a Bruce in my life… Dr. Banner.’ And if Bruce notices that Tony says his name deliberately, the other man doesn’t seem to mind.

‘I’m sure you will find a way to clear all the confusion, Tony,’ Bruce reasons. Maybe he says Tony’s name like it matters, like  _ Tony  _ has value, but it’s not enough.

Tony needs to accept that anyone can say his name with such love and adoration, but still have him feeling like it’s not enough. Only Steve could be enough.

**

Bucky stays by a corner nearest to Steve because crowded places still freaks him out. He’s rounded the perimeter thrice and knows all the exits by heart. He’s counted all the people in the gala, including the guards and secret agents. The feeling of the glock in his waistband is a comforting feeling, along with the rest of the knives he brought — total of eight, and Steve only has to know of two.

He also sticks to the corner because he doesn’t trust himself. Doesn’t believe himself capable of any semblance of self-control without Steve’s close presence to ground him, and remind him that he’s at a public function; and no it’s not allowed to stab someone with a knife just because their touch lingers far too long on Tony’s shoulder, or when they bat their eyelashes at Tony.

And that’s why Bucky has to stay by Steve’s corner of the room, when he’s itching to go over across the room and pull the engineer away from the rich looking guy in all black ensemble.

It doesn’t help that Dr. Helen Cho, bless her soul, is lucky enough to have Tony’s arm intertwined with hers. So lucky. Bucky wants to have Tony all dolled up in a tux on his arm too.

But life is unfair. Well, half-unfair because he’s got Steve. He’ll always have Steve and his warm smile, that’s full of love and concern that he throws Bucky’s way from time to time. And it’s everything he needs to survive this charade.

He told himself that he shouldn’t look across the room to where Tony is. He shouldn’t because it will only hurt, and will only make him angry with everyone that’s touching Tony who’s not him.

As if that task is easy. Not even with Steve to distract him, because Steve in a deep navy blue tux is a great distraction. But it’s not enough. Not when Steve has a job to do at this party, and is usually away from Bucky’s quiet corner near the wall.

So, pining over Tony is inevitable. It doesn’t help that the man is definitely the life of the party. Every person tries to get to him like moths to a flame. Tony is in his element, shining so brightly amongst these throngs of dim people who don’t care about anything or anyone except themselves.

Tony looks beautiful like this: surrounded by great splendour and important people but burning far more radiant than all of them combined. He likes this side of the engineer, even when Tony’s smiles are dimmer than the ones he gives back home. It’s still a sight to behold.

God, what would it feel like to see it closely. If he allows himself, he wants to be pulled in Tony’s circle and listen to him talk and move those lively hands of his. He wants to be part of those secret smiles he sends Rhodey when people aren’t looking.

But he can’t. He needs to look out for Steve, and at the same time contain his murderous glare of jealousy out of the public eyes.

He’s about to make peace with himself and stay where he is, and not disturb Steve or Tony, when the rich man from before is suddenly offering his hand to Tony. Dr. Cho looks like she’s swooning. And Tony… he’s flustered. From this distance it almost seems like Tony’s blushing.

‘Steve,’ he calls as he strides towards where his soulmate is. There must have been something concerning on his face because Steve’s face is masked with worry as he excuses himself from the group he was talking with.

‘Is everything okay, Buck?’ Steve pulls them away from the group, Bucky thinks. But he’s not sure because his eyes are glued once more to Tony, who now accepts the outstretched hand shyly.

Bucky’s going to break something, or cut someone’s hand. So, he looks away and faces Steve instead, because he needs those blue eyes to ground him and to stop him from doing something he will regret.

‘Buck, what’s wrong?’ Steve asks anxiously.

Only his great training under HYDRA could have masked the real wrath he feels deep within his chest right now.

‘Who’s that guy?’ He jerks his chin sharply towards Tony and the dark-haired stranger.

Steve follows Bucky’s gaze and doesn’t see the way Bucky’s feature clouds with more jealousy and anger as Tony snakes his arm over the man’s own.

‘That’s Bruce Wayne,’ the blond supplies. And Bucky can tell the small hint of dejection in Steve’s voice. ‘I didn’t know he was coming. Tony always said he’s a reclusive billionaire.’ He turns back to Bucky with a smile that doesn’t sit quite right on his lips. ‘Well, I guess he’s not so recluse.’ He glances back once more to the leaving pair.

‘I don’t like him,’ he states in a low growl.

Steve’s attention is on him again. ‘He’s okay, Buck,’ he assures doubtfully. ‘He’s actually friends with Tony. Wayne’s someone Tony trusts. So I guess he’s okay.’

Christ, Captain America having to repeat something twice and sounding like he’s trying to convince himself, rather than the other person is a painful thing to watch. Bucky wants to shake Steve and point out the truth that’s been staring Steve in the face the whole time.

‘I still don’t like him,’ Bucky says instead of pouring the reality of his own jealousy into the picture. ‘Tony could do so much better than that goth man.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, that man is going to be Tony’s boyfriend,’ Bucky explains as softly as he can, but the venom in his voice still colours his statement.

‘Boyfriend?’ Steve’s eyes are so wide with surprise. ‘Tony’s not gay,’ he whispers.

And that’s another surprising fact he didn’t know about Steve. Well, he did know that his soulmate can be quite oblivious. Just not  _ this _ oblivious.

‘Oh, Stevie, I have news for you…’ He drapes an arm over Steve’s shoulder.

Bucky’s quite sure with his facts, he’s seen Tony looking at Steve’s ass, at Thor’s biceps when he’s around. Hell, he’s even dug old files about Tony’s past life and past lovers. And by far he hates Tiberius Stone the most.

**

**IronBatFTW:**

_ Hello, New York! Did you all have a great Friday night? Well, probably not as great as our renowned playboy, Tony Stark, who was spotted leaving the SI charity gala with another well-known billionaire: Bruce Wayne. Some of you must have gone, ‘OMG! Is this finally it?’ I did ask the same question this morning. This could finally be the denouement of our four years of pent up suffering under their slow-burn Jane Austen like love-hate relationship that we have watched since day one after that Stark Expo incident. _

_ You have to be blind if you didn’t see the sexual tension between these two as they try to outsmart the other with their company’s success. It’s such a joy to witness the whole enemies-to-friends trope happening right before our eyes. And now we might just have enemies-to-friends-to-lovers trope that has been everyone’s bandwagon for quite some time now. Because this is it. It might happen indeed. _

_ Don’t worry, little ones. I’ll keep you all updated like always. xoxo  _

 


	5. One More Shiny Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know I'm not late, it's still Wednesday here in Spain. :)
> 
> As always, thank you to my lovely beta [12AngelOfDarkness21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/12AngelOfDarkness21/pseuds/12AngelOfDarkness21), who continues to be patient with me. (As always, remaining mistakes are mine)
> 
> And also, thank you to you if you're still here. Thank you for staying, and I hope you're loving it so far. I may also have introduced an additional character. Please welcome them with open arms, they are lovely. LOL! The chapter title is from [Save the Last Goodbye (Union J)](https://youtu.be/mFNFXNfbMdM).
> 
> If you're up for a chat, please come say Hi on Tumblr (even if that hellsite is dying), I'm [hopelessly-inzayn](hopelessly-inzayn.tumblr.com). Okay? Byeeeee!

_ 'Love isn’t soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close.’  _ - **_Stephen King_ **

 

**_**_ **

It’s not unusual that the late morning after the gala is a quiet one in the Avenger’s Tower, with how exhausting they all find it to look all normal and happy, to hide their personal demons and put on angelic masks. In short, it’s tough to try and be liked. Not to mention that they had to scout for any information regarding the missing sceptre after HYDRA’s fall from SHIELD.

Even for a spy like Natasha, bluffing through the night amongst important and powerful people is a chore. Her years of slipping from one persona to another have helped her, but has never numbed her of the exhaustion of feeling used and filthy. It still makes her want to crawl out of her skin. Only this time she’s not alone, she has her family she can rely on if she ever slips, because while she’s good — the best — she’s not perfect.

Steve’s making some late breakfast for everyone, because he’s reliable like that. It’s probably brunch already with how it’s almost into the afternoon. Nonetheless, bacon and Steve’s pancakes are amazing at any time of the day. It looks like Clint’s already done with his first plate and is eager for the next batch.

She takes the empty seat next to Clint at the breakfast bar, and sips at the coffee the archer had prepared for her.

Bruce is nowhere to be seen, probably back in his lab or still asleep. Thor’s back in Asgard since last week for an annual check-up on Earth’s Alien Invasion status, and for some query about the sceptre and how to find it. Tony didn’t return home with them last night, and according to JARVIS he’s with Bruce Wayne.

She only raises an eyebrow at the AI’s news of the genius’ whereabouts. She’ll try to subtly ask later if those two had finally decided to act on everyone’s excited pairing of them. Or they could have discovered that they’re actually soulmates, after all this time of dancing around each other. It’s not far-fetched that they could be mates, they’re both almost alike.

But there’s also that thing between Tony and two certain super soldiers. And right now, one of the super soldier is glaring at his Starkpad like it announced another HYDRA take over.

James’ scowl is on full murder mode right now, and she truly believes someone will get stabbed if she doesn’t do anything about it. Well, maybe not her because Steve can probably calm his soulmate so no one has to bleed, or miss an important body part.

‘Oh my god, Steve, you’re a lifesaver,’ Sam exclaims happily as he enters the kitchen, sniffing the delicious aroma of pancakes and fried bacon. ‘And who in hell killed your dog, Barnes?’ he asks when he sees James’ face.

James turns the glare on Sam, and Natasha can almost  _ feel _ the way the black man’s heart stops beating for two seconds upon confronting the deadly eyes of James, though they more likely belong to the Winter Soldier. So far they haven’t had any episodes regarding the Soldier with James’ slowly easing into therapy with the help of Princess Shuri’s technology. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t happen.

‘Buck?’ Steve’s suddenly there beside James, full of concern with pancakes forgotten.

‘Nothing,’ James replies brusquely and closes his pad. And suddenly, as if he remembers logic, his face sheds off the Winter Soldier glare and morphs into a composed mask. It’s crazy to see the immediate switch of persona on someone other than herself. ‘I just remembered some bad things,’ he explains, but Natasha can tell he’s lying. Only a liar knows another liar.

‘Maybe you need more rest, Buck,’ Steve offers, oblivious to James’ lie.

It piques Natasha’s interest. What could be James covering up that he’s using his  _ bad memories _ as a lie, when it’s usually the bad memories that he hides behind another lie? What is James hiding from Steve?

‘Coffee,’ Tony cries out as he walks out of the lift and into the common room, his voice reaching the kitchen. He beelines for the kitchen and drapes himself all over Clint. ‘Birdman, I need Jove’s sweet nectar of life.’

Clint only chuckles and shuffles Tony so the genius is on his lap instead. ‘Here you go, lover boy,’ he teases and brings his own cup to Tony’s eager hands. The two have the same taste in coffee, apparently. Both put too much sugar than necessary.

Tony lets out a quiet, satisfied moan at the first sip. He sighs happily and takes another two sips that are followed by those low sensual sounds. The archer only chuckles fondly at Tony’s reaction, gripping the genius more firmly by the waist so he doesn’t slip. Two certain super soldiers look bothered by the scene, Natasha notices.

‘Better?’ Clint asks fondly as Tony leans further into his body. The genius doesn’t bother a verbal reply, rather nods and takes another sip of his coveted drink. ‘You look like a zombie, Stark.’ And that’s true, there’s a light darkening under the engineer’s eyes, effect of poor sleeping hours or — Natasha thinks — no sleep at all.

Tony only yawns and pushes his — Clint’s — mug in mute demand for more coffee, which the archer obliges because he has a soft spot for Tony and coffee. Natasha should probably tell his other best friend to stop rationing the genius caffeine because the brunet clearly needs sleep, rather than more reason to be awake. And she will, after Tony finishes the second cup, the only way to stop him from whining irrationally about the lack of his  _ beloved  _ caffeine.

‘What have  _ you _ been up to last night?’ The innuendo is clear because Clint is a shameless person like that.

There’s a quiet crack of something at the head of the breakfast bar where James is quietly sat with Steve standing beside him.

Tony takes three more huge gulp of his coffee before he answers, ‘I was up all night, if it’s not obvious with you yet, Katniss.’ He takes another swig of his drink, completely clueless to the low sound of more cracking from the super soldiers’ part of the room.

‘Did you get  _ some _ ?’ Clint asks teasingly.

Natasha wants to stop him, but is far too curious to know what did commence between Tony and Wayne. And at the same time, curious with how both James and Steve would react. Especially the former.

‘I don’t know what you’re trying to presume, Legolas,’ the genius tells the archer innocently. He puts his empty cup on the table and rises from his seat. He stretches, wrinkling his suit further, which already looks efficiently rumpled. ‘But as far as last night’s happening is concerned, all I can say is that I’m sore as fuck.’  

There’s a loud crash. James’ chair clatters to the floor from the force of him abruptly standing up and exiting the communal kitchen. Natasha doesn’t miss the anger — perhaps jealousy — etched on his handsome face that he tried to hide by going away.

She turns to Steve, who looks shocked by James’ sudden departure. But then Steve’s blue eyes are back on Tony’s, who’s also surprised. There’s something like hurt in their Captain’s face as he tries very hard to school into something else other than wounded.

‘What’s up with Terminator?’ Tony turns to Steve with his question.

Steve looks away from Tony’s curious eyes, grooming his expression further to hide whatever trail of upset is left on his face. He stares with concern at where James had exited. He runs a hand over his face and says, ‘Rough morning.’

Tony doesn’t push for more information even when he looks just as worried as Steve.

**

Bucky needs to rein in his emotions. He  _ tries _ to. Very hard. But it’s difficult when he knows Tony is supposedly his. Not that questionable Wayne guy that keeps showing up with Tony to important business meetings and company events.

It’s only been a week, but it feels longer than seven days. A week of pure torture of denying himself from seeing Tony personally but stalking the man online, reading every gossip site and all those blogs about _IronBat_ _shipment_ by zealous fangirls and tabloids alike. He’s also drawn away from Steve because he’s afraid he’ll slip and tell his soulmate the truth. And he can’t.

He doesn’t want to push his inner turmoil onto Steve’s plate when the blond’s already dealing with so much work regarding the secret HYDRA base they still haven’t found. He’s heard that Thor already went to Asgard to seek more help, because unfortunately they  _ could  _ be dealing with a magical stone that’s been keeping HYDRA hidden from any advanced technology that Tony had invented or had taken hold of.

Sasha, his therapist, is unhappy about his progress that week. She doesn’t  _ say _ she’s disappointed with him about his lack of communication with his soulmate on important matters that’s bothering him, but he silently feels it nonetheless. Or maybe she’s not, but the demons in his head tell him that she is.

He’s sleeping less too, which shows on his face despite his best effort to do all normal tasks so Steve doesn’t worry about him more. He showers every day, shaves his stubble so he doesn’t look like a depressed hobo, eats three meals a day, drinks the tea Bruce suggests. But it’s all a façade, when deep down he’s slowly rotting in the hell hole that he’s dug himself.

‘Shield family, I am back,’ Thor announces loudly and cheerfully as he steps into the communal living room.

‘Welcome back, Mr. Odinson,’ JARVIS greets back before Bucky could say anything, because his eyes are glued to the person following the god of thunder. ‘And I can’t say the same for you, Mr. Laufeyson.’

Bucky’s never heard JARVIS be unkind to anyone; the AI is always gentle, and maybe sarcastic and sassy like his creator at some instance. There must be some rational explanation to it because Bucky himself doesn’t like Thor’s companion one bit. The other alien, dressed in green and black leather, unsettles him and the Winter Soldier in him classifies the alien as a threat.

‘I see that Anthony still hasn’t taught his servant manners,’ the alien god asserts amusedly. ‘I may have a  _ word  _ with your master when I see him, valet.’ He smirks mischievously.

And Bucky doesn’t like how the new god is talking to JARVIS, or how he says Tony’s name. He wants to threaten this newcomer to stop acting like he owns the place and the people in it.

‘Loki,’ Thor warns, which the other ignores as he gracefully walks into the room with an air of self-importance.

Ah, so this is the infamous Loki: adopted brother of Thor and the person who caused the alien invasion. No wonder the god looks familiar. And no wonder Bucky dislikes him.

‘Look. Anthony managed to recruit another super soldier,’ Loki states, staring curiously at Bucky, who was trying to suffer silently in the living room while watching  _ MasterChef Junior US _ .

Bucky’s just about to tell the god of mischief that he should keep Tony’s name out of his mouth or else, when the elevator door suddenly opens and strides in Tony dressed in a snugly fit black tank top and worn out jeans. The arc reactor’s light sipping through the thin material that Tony doesn’t usually wear in public, or around people.

Tony’s still self-conscious about the reactor when Bucky sees it as a blessing, without it he won’t have smart-mouth, kind, and beautiful Tony Stark in his life. And fuck does that tank top leaves so little to the imagination. He can literally make out the genius’ nipples.

_ Damn it, Barnes,  _ he chastises himself.  _ Keep it in your pants.  _

‘And I see how prison still hasn’t taught you manners as well, Reindeer Games,’ the genius retorts back for Loki’s earlier comment to JARVIS. The alien god glares at Tony. ‘Pop Tarts.’ He nods at Thor.

‘Hello, friend Anthony.’ Thor puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

‘You should have sent a raven ahead to announce that you won’t be coming back alone, Point Break,’ Tony says to Thor but his eyes are on Loki, who doesn’t look annoyed anymore from Tony’s prison comment.

‘And ruin the surprise for you, dear Anthony?’ retorts the god of mischief, smirking at Tony. He arranges his clothes as he takes a fluid sit on the couch. ‘Besides, we all know that you’ve silently been missing me.’

Maybe Steve won’t scold him if he punches Loki in his smug face. Bucky’s never seen anyone who is so full of themselves. Sure, Thor is a confident fella, but Loki’s beyond vanity. The god parades around like a peacock, and Bucky’s disgusted.

‘After throwing me out of  _ my  _ own building window?’ Tony huffs.

‘Oh, you can’t be mad about that, Anthony,’ Loki purrs — fucking purrs — with his eyes twinkling impishly at Tony as he leans comfortably on the sofa like it’s a throne rather than an over expensive couch. ‘I’ve already apologised for that.’ He rolls his eyes. ‘Besides, me thinks you rather like it rough.’ Another devious smile, and a lewd lick of his lips.

It’s too late to stop the growl that rumbles from Bucky at the mixture of anger and possessiveness in his chest while listening to the conversation. Anger for knowing that this alien god had hurt Tony in the past, and possessiveness at the blasé flirting Loki’s doing.

Three pair of curious eyes are on Bucky and he lowers his gaze in embarrassment.

‘Why don’t we proceed to the part where you’re useful, Rock of Ages?’ Tony suggests. And Bucky is silently thankful to the genius for the evasive manoeuvre.

‘Good thinking, friend Anthony,’ Thor agrees.

He looks up from where he’s trying to avoid everyone’s stare, only to detect that Loki’s eyeing him with interest that Bucky wants to challenge or run away from. He’s not sure which one to do. Instead, he glares at Loki with his best Winter Soldier glower.

And because Loki must also be the god of chaos, instead of fearing like mere mortals do at the sight of the Winter Soldier, the god only grins with mirth. Bucky doesn’t like it.  _ At all _ .

**

After his encounter with the crazy god of mischief, Bucky reports it to Steve because he needs a logical reason to not murder the god in his sleep. It’ll be hard to do but he’s willing to try. Especially when he doesn’t feel even an inch of comfort towards the new Asgardian.

‘They’re going to the Avenger’s Compound tomorrow with Thor,’ he informs Steve, who’s halfway across the world with Natasha and Clint on some recon.

Steve frowns but doesn’t say anything. Bucky can tell the blond’s thinking.

‘Will you come with them tomorrow, Buck?’ he asks. ‘Loki’s not trustworthy, despite what Thor says, because he’s bias when it comes to his little brother.’ Steve lets out a sigh. ‘Just so Tony has another eye to keep out on him in case Loki tries something.’

‘Sure, Stevie.’ He nods and doesn’t add that he already planned on going with the trio tomorrow at the compound even if Steve hasn’t asked him because like the blond, he also doesn’t trust Loki to behave. And if something out of hand happens, Tony’s only human without the suit — a fragile human that could easily get hurt.

‘How are you doing, Buck?’ The tense tone is replaced by a softer one. Worried, too.

‘I’m doing okay, punk.’ He offers Steve a small smile that the blond mirrors. ‘I miss you though.’

Steve nods solemnly. ‘I miss you too, jerk.’

And their nicknames are suppose to make them feel elated or amused. But not this time. Not when Steve’s thousand of miles away, and loneliness envelops him like a goddamn blanket. It’s never the same without Steve. It never has and it never will.

How did Steve survive when he thought Bucky was dead? Bucky can’t even stand the light aching that tends to follow him around when Steve’s away for missions.

‘Just one more day, honey.’ And for a second Steve looks like he’s about to pull Bucky through the screen and rub a soothing hand down his back. ‘One more.’

‘One more day,’ he mutters back like an assurance to himself. Maybe to Steve as well. He’s not sure who needed it the most between the two of them. But it’s motivation enough.

‘I gotta go now, Buck.’ There’s a displeased frown on Steve’s lips. ‘I’ll see you soon, yeah?’

Bucky only nods, not trusting he won’t cry and beg Steve to return if he uses his voice.

The call disconnects but Bucky continues to stare at the dark screen like he’s waiting for Steve to come back on. Or better, to come knocking on their apartment door.

He’s not sure how many minutes he stayed like that. But after some time he pulls himself out of his head space and formulates plans and tactics to keep Tony safe from the annoying god of mischief.

**

To say that he’s annoyed and jealous is an understatement. Bucky is shaking with envy and anger. How can he not when not only he has to keep his eye on Loki, but he also has to watch Bruce fucking Wayne flirt with Tony.

It’s not much of flirting and there are no casual touches, but Wayne is still staring at Tony when the genius isn’t looking and Bucky doesn’t appreciate it. Especially not when they whisper among themselves and Wayne makes Tony laugh.

Why did he even read all those gossip blogs about Wayne and Tony’s blossoming relationship? He’s been trying to deny those articles. Steve did tell him not to believe most of what’s written online unless they have concrete proof.

But what more proof does Bucky need to prove the gossip true when Tony looks like he’s enjoying talking to Wayne. They’re both people of the same calibre: smart and rich. They came from the same world. And Bucky’s known before that Tony deserves someone better than him, someone not broken. Someone stable who doesn’t have enough skeletons in his closet to call it a cemetery.

The two are actually perfect for each other. But still… Tony is his soulmate.  _ His _ . Not Wayne’s.

He has Steve though. Glorious Steve Rogers that Bucky doesn’t deserve too. And maybe this is how the universe is teaching him patience, teaching him humility. How he’s not suppose to be greedy when he’s already been given more than his worth.

And Tony, he doesn’t deserve the half that Bucky’s offering. Tony deserves a  _ whole _ fucking heart who will love him fully without someone else to share. So, Bucky has to endure. He needs to tolerate Wayne.

‘You do know you’re staring, right?’ Loki informs from across the room with a book in his lap.

They’re both outside Fury’s office. Wayne, Tony, and Thor are inside to talk with the Director about their plan to locate some magical sceptre that’s very important. Steve’s included in the meeting, he’s on a hologram screen. Bucky can still see them from the outside through the glass wall.

‘Well, it’s not like it’s easy not to stare, eh?’ Loki leans forward from his seat, discarding the book on the cushion. ‘Anthony’s a lovely thing to behold,’ he continues when Bucky chooses to ignore him. ‘But… isn’t he out of your league, soldier? Especially when you’re already bound to another.’

Bucky can’t help the glare he throws at Loki, despite telling himself that he shouldn’t let the god get under his skin. But damn it, the bastard’s good at pushing people’s button.

Loki crosses his leg while a sneer paints his lips. ‘Greedy little thing, aren’t you?’

And that aches, hearing it out loud from someone else’s lips because deep down that is the truth. But truth or not, it doesn’t stop his hands from clenching into fists with Loki’s piercing remark. For fuck sake, just one punch.

‘It’s none of your business,’ Bucky spits acidly.

‘Oh, but it is.’ There’s a sharpness in his eyes that isn’t there a while ago. ‘You see, dear soldier, I’m not overly fond of Midgardians. But Anthony’s quite useful and interesting. I would very much hate to come back and find him being none of those two.’ He smiles at Bucky, but it’s vile and threatening.

And before Bucky would ask what Loki means by that, or maybe threaten the god of mischief back as well, the three men exit Fury’s office.

‘Guess we’ll have to drop snowflake before we head out.’ Tony eyes him. ‘FRIDAY?’

‘Yes, boss?’ the female-voiced AI answers.

‘Alert Bruciebear of his unexpected pick-up by Capsicle, would you, darling?’ He’s typing on his phone in a rapid manner. ‘And inform Pepper to clear my schedule for the next seven days. At least.’

‘I have alerted Dr. Banner of Captain Roger’s ETA in South Korea,’ FRIDAY announced.

‘Good girl.’ The genius beams proudly. He pockets his phone. ‘Gentlemen, shall we? We don’t have much time to spare.’

They all followed him to the hallway. Their party marches the maze-like hallways with Tony in the lead. Wayne right next to the genius which Bucky doesn’t like. But it’s much better than Loki near Tony because that won’t do any good for Bucky’s heart and peace of mind.

Thor and Loki are behind him, he made sure he placed himself as barrier between Tony and the threatening god. Whatever it was the god of mischief is spouting he shouldn’t believe any of that bullshit.

‘FRIDAY, sweetie? Tell your older brother we are arriving at the tower to drop off Cyborg, yeah?’

They’ve reach a door at the end of the hallway. And once it opens, it leads to a massive hangar that houses different fighter planes and a quinjet.

‘Done, boss.’

‘Thanks, FRI.’

‘Anytime, boss.’

In Bucky’s ear, FRIDAY sounded please to help which is almost human. Another proof how Tony’s creations are as brilliant as he is.

They board the jet and Tony takes the pilot seat.

‘This is a new one so JARVIS isn’t installed to this yet,’ Tony explains to Wayne, who takes the co-pilot sit. ‘But since it stays in the Avengers HQ, I’m thinking that maybe FRIDAY is a much better choice since she’s the one running the programs there, and JARVIS is on SI and the tower.’

‘I’ve always admired at your AIs, Stark,’ Wayne comments.

Tony scoffs. ‘Is this the closest you’ll ever to admitting that I am smarter than you?’

‘And you know I won’t give you the answer that you seek.’ Wayne smiles amusedly.

‘Where are you guys heading?’ Bucky inserts, weary of hearing Wayne flirt with Tony. He’s more afraid someone might get hurt. Probably, him. ‘And why need the whole Avengers?’

‘We’re heading to Sokovia,’ Tony answers. ‘Bruce here has information that the sceptre could be there. We’re going to set up camp and wait, while Thuderbolt and Rock of Ages will scout for the sceptre’s magical energy.’ Tony grimaces at the  _ magical  _ word, still a hard man of science. ‘That’ll be easier than try to create an equipment with my Science Bro. It saves time.’

‘Do you need me to help you?’ Sometimes it gets harder to be left behind while his soulmate — soulmate _ s —  _ are in the line of danger and he won’t be there to watch their backs.

‘You can sit this one out, Robocop,’ Tony assures him. ‘We’re not entirely sure it’s there.’

‘It’s there,’ Wayne insists. ‘You have to put some trust on me, Tony.’

‘But he’s coming,’ Bucky spats, the words sounding close to jealousy.

For the first time, Wayne looks at him with analysing eyes. ‘Yes, because I’m their ticket to get into the main city and their contact with the politician to make sure the people can evacuate when it calls for it.’

‘And Steve?’ he asks instead of punching Wayne and his usefulness. Maybe Bucky’s just imagining that smug look on the other man’s face.

‘America’s Sweetheart is going to meet us there with Brucie, Widow, and Legolas.’ Tony’s manoeuvring them on the landing pad.

‘I don’t like it.’ Sure, he’s not fine with Wayne being around, but there’s something else about the set-up that’s bothering him. ‘Why can’t I go? Just for back-up.’

They have safely landed and Tony swivels his pilot chair to face Bucky. He looks worriedly at Thor, as if he’s asking the god of thunder to answer the question instead of him. The genius had never been great with confrontation, and Bucky feels like this moment of truth will only bring him pain.

‘We also have other information,’ Tony starts, ‘that it might be a HYDRA base.’

HYDRA. Once again the cause of Bucky’s unending nightmares are back to haunt him some more. And after failing Project Insight, they managed to steal a magical item to help them gain power again. Christ! Cut one head and two more grows back, right?

‘And Steve thinks you’re not ready for this yet,’ Tony finishes, looking everywhere but Bucky.

‘The whole team had agreed to this, friend James,’ Thor adds, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. ‘We want you to be safe.’

And the voices in the back of Bucky’s head are saying something different. It’s not that they want  _ him  _ safe. But it’s for  _ them  _ to be safe… from him. Him, who is a monster — a killer. Why did he even think he’ll be able to watch his friends’ back when they should all watch out for him?

‘Barnes, stop.’

There’s another hand on him, cupping the side of his neck. It’s a smaller hand with callous palm. It’s also a warm hand that feels great against his skin. He leans to the touch instinctively because it screams: safe.

‘Whatever it is you’re thinking, it’s not it,’ Tony says, looking him dead in the eyes.

It’s Tony’s hand, Bucky notices a few seconds later. Tony’s touching him and it feels wonderful. He wants to stay in this moment forever with Tony gently massaging him in assurance.

‘It’s not safe for you to be around those assholes who abused you.’ His voice turns sharp, but continues to be soothing. ‘And I can see that you’re not ready to face your demons.’ His other hand reaches for Bucky’s clenched fist. When did that happen? ‘You don’t have to put on a brave face, snowflake. It’s okay to be not ready to face your demons… Trust me, I know.’

And there’s no room for argument with that. Not when the blatant evidence of Bucky’s terror about HYDRA is clear as a day. This is also for the best, even when he’s not one hundred percent okay with it.

**

To compensate his lack of participation, he tries to monitor Tony’s thermal signature via a satellite that JARVIS has hacked. He wants to keep an eye out for the genius since Steve and the rest hasn’t arrived at Sokovia yet, still stuck in Brazil somehow.

Thor and Loki have left to scout for the sceptre’s energy while Tony and Wayne set up a rendezvous point for their team.

DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers keep him company with his watch. He plays fetch with them at some point, and they might have caused a bit of a mess in the lab that he promises to tidy up before Tony arrives back.

He’s been keeping vigil for the last seven hours since the group has arrived in Sokovia. And now he’s hungry. But he doesn’t even want to blink in case he misses something significant. He wishes Steve and his group would hurry up and get to Tony. What is taking them so long? It’s been fourteen hours since Tony’s team had left and stayed in Sokovia, and still has no Steve for back-up.

It reminds him again how Tony’s nothing but human outside his suit. What if he can’t call his suit in time before he’s attacked by HYDRA? What if Thor or Loki are too faraway to help him? Maybe the gods won’t even know that something went wrong because HYDRA goons are sneaky little shits.

And all Tony has for back-up is that rich boy, Wayne, who’s more likely only there for his pretty face and illegal influence. But other than that, Bucky doubts Wayne would be useful for anything else. Wayne won’t be able to protect Tony.

God, why is Steve taking so long? And why does Thor need to leave Tony behind with Useless Wayne? Why can’t they bring Tony along with them where he’ll be safe between two alien gods, who will probably annihilate any HYDRA minion with a snap of their fingers.

‘Sergeant Barnes?’ JARVIS calls.

Bucky looks up to the ceiling. ‘Yes, J?’

‘I’d like to advise you to eat,’ JARVIS says. ‘It’s been fourteen hours since you last ate, and according to my database this is not good for your diet.’

‘Later, J. Thanks.’ He proceeds to stare at the monitor again with Tony and Wayne talking to some trusted officials about their plan and how not to get innocent people in the line of fire in case it comes into a battle.

‘I’d like to suggest you at least partake some  _ PowerBar _ that sir often stores in the lab,’ JARVIS says. ‘It’s at the bottom drawer to your right.’

Bucky obeys if it’ll get JARVIS off his back. Besides he thinks JARVIS has some protocol about his diet that Steve might have installed just to monitor him while he’s recovering. It’s handy because he’s still not use to eating at normal people pace, since during his Winter Soldier days he only eats when it’s necessary for his mission. He can last three days without food with his super soldier metabolism.

He takes out five of the milk chocolate brownie snack and continues his vigil. He easily finishes two of it in less than a minute.

Tony and Bruce with some people — probably officials and soldiers — are heading north-west. Their caravan weaves through a frosty forest just a few kilometres from the main city. 

And that’s when shit hits the fan.

The third  _ PowerBar _ he’s opening falls to the floor as he watches an explosion happen within Tony’s group.

‘Fuck!’ His heart pounds in his chest as he witness the horror in the screen. Tony’s heat signature goes missing in the midst of the explosion. ‘JARVIS, tell Thor to get Tony,’ he says sharply.

‘He has been informed, Sergeant.’ There’s a masked fear in JARVIS robotic voice as well. 

‘Tony!’ he screams, praying that he’ll hear the genius’ teasing over the comms.

‘I’m afraid, I’ve lost connection with sir.’ JARVIS’ sentence turns Bucky’s world upside down.

_ No!  _ No, no, no, no. Even JARVIS can’t reach Tony.

‘Bucky, what happened?’ It’s Steve voice coming from the team comms.

‘Steve.’ Oh my god. It’s Steve. He’ll know what to do, right? He’ll tell Thor to rescue Tony. ‘Stevie, Tony’s caravan… there’s an… there’s an explosion.’ He sounds erratic and nervous and angry. ‘Please tell Thor to check on him.’

There’s a sharp intake of breathe in Steve’s end. And Bucky wants to ask why, but JARVIS answers his inquiry by showing him Thor and Loki’s location. They have been moving opposite Tony’s position. And they are far away. So far away that even with Thor’s flying he won’t make it in time to back Tony up.

And as a soldier, Bucky knows that every second counts on these instances. Six seconds is a huge time for Tony to get shot with his lack of armour or back-up.

Why are Thor and Loki that far away? Why did the trail of the sceptre go the opposite direction of Tony’s caravan? And where was Tony’s group heading that they had to go through some remote cold forest?

‘Sergeant Barnes?’ It’s JARVIS but he sounds so distant like some muffled background noise. ‘Sergeant Barnes?’

God, why is this all happening? Why Tony? If they got him… Jesus, he doesn’t want to imagine it. The chair. The cold cell. The harsh medical hands. The hard lab table. The painful injections. The drugs.

_ ‘Sergeant Barnes?’ _

He exits the lab, and discards the comm. With shaky legs he runs as far as possible from the screen that still streams the passing chaos. He needs to take off and hide from the painful truth of Tony dy—

No, he  _ can’t _ finish that thought. And he’s not even sure which is the worst case scenario anymore: his first theory or the second one.

Maybe if he doesn’t face it, if he can get as much distance as he can from the computer monitor, then none of it is real. This can all be some wicked nightmare and he’ll wake up with Tony still safely in the tower about to call him those stupid names that Bucky doesn’t get the reference to at times.

_ Please _ , he mutely begs whatever higher power is listening to him.  _ Keep him safe. Please, keep him safe _ .  _ Please. _

_ ‘Sergeant Barnes?’  _ It’s JARVIS again. He sounds more insistent this time but still hazy.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This is all Bucky’s fault! He should have gone with Tony. He should have insisted to come along. If he had Tony wouldn’t be… Tony wouldn’t be…

And now, it could be too late.

He feels like screaming. Maybe he has been because his throat feels raw and used and painful. But the pain is nothing compared to the ache that blooms in his chest like it’s on fire, like it’s been cracked open. He lets his anguish swallow him whole in its cold, aching embrace as he crashes to the floor in body-trembling sobs for someone he’d probably lost.

**


	6. We'll be on Our Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here, thank you for staying. And I'm sorry for adding another chapter, because I wanted to write a long one to tie everything up, only for my real life drama to hinder my writing. So, I'm sorry for cutting y'all short with this chapter. But at least we still have another one next week. Yayyy???
> 
> This one is unbeta-ed because I wrote it sooo late, I couldn't find the heart to burden someone with my unchecked grammar. So, if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar error, please look at it with kindness and tell me in a soft voice, yeah? Thanks.
> 
> Chapter title is from Maroon 5's [Daylight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUSZe_UB7wc), because that song is about leaving. Or well, that's how I perceive it. 
> 
> Also just T/W: there is detailed (but not really because I can't write) torture in this chapter, and assumption that Tony is dead. If that's not for you, I'll see you next week where it'll be more fluff. This whole chapter is just angst. Okay, now on you go. Enjoy.

_if the hurt comes  
_ _so will happiness._  
  
-be patient  **|| rupi kaur**

 

**

Cold is the first thing that registers into his mind as he slowly gains consciousness. The pain follows like an inevitable addition to the discomfort. Why is JARVIS not doing anything about the temperature? He should be at least warm even when he’s in pain.

He’s about to ask his AI to turn the heat up; only that, he opens his eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding. The words die in his tongue.

Where is he? What is this cold, semi-dark place that smells of rust and decay? He tries to rummage his hazy brain for clues. And the only thing that answers him back is more pain. God, his head feels like he’s been hammered by Thor himself. It takes him back to those mornings with a hangover. Only worse.

Shit! His head is pounding so bad it makes him nauseous just opening his eyes and looking around for clues as to where the fuck he is.

Oh, and he’s tied up to a metal chair. Great! Why didn’t he notice that before? Right, because his brain was having a hard time processing everything with how painful it is to even blink.

And gosh, lucky him, he’s got burns littered all over his arms and legs. A few lacerations too on places he can’t specify, because every inch of him hurts that it’s hard to figure out which part of him is not aching. Just __fucking__ fantastic!

At least his not bleeding out… __yet__. No, he’s only being held hostage on an ugly looking chair. Fucking fantastic indeed. And of course, very classic: kidnappers and chairs. When will villains get creative? Tony can think of other ways to hold people hostage. Not that he’s ever going to share them with the bad guys.

So, __how__  did he end up here?

He scans his memory for clues again because his heart rate is starting to quicken, and the arc reactor in his chest suddenly feels too heavy, that it’s making it difficult for his lungs to distribute the correct amount of oxygen in his body. And he’s not looking forward to the worst case scenario when he’s still in a middle of another worst case scenario.

He needs to keep calm and think of solutions, because if he looks closely into his current predicament it’ll only spiral him into thoughts that’ll push him into a panic attack. He can’t have that right now.

He _ _can’t__.

He can’t. Not even when everything about this reminds him of Afghanistan. The cold, the rusty smell of decaying metal, the foul scent of an unkempt room. Somewhere he can hear a faint water droplet that makes his stomach churn at the thought of dirty water and lack of oxygen.

Tony shakes his head to control his rogue thoughts. He’s not going down that rabbit hole. It’s not going to help him get out.

‘I see that you’re awake, Mr. Stark.’ A man appears from the only opening in the room. His English is accented with Russian that completely matches his hard military feature. He fits the perfect role of a HYDRA agent.

‘We’ll it’s hard to stay asleep when your place lacks warmth and cosiness,’ he replies and tries to ignore the uncomfortable dryness in his throat. ‘Also,’ he gestures to his handcuffs, ‘we need to work on consents and safewords for this kind of thing, don’t you think?’

The evil man smiles, showing off chunky yellowish teeth. ‘It’s amazing how you still have humour after all that injury.’ He moves closer, right in front of Tony’s chair. ‘Guess that’s a good thing.’

‘Is it?’

‘Yes, Mr. Stark.’ He takes a stool from the side and occupies it. ‘You see, we need you __alive__ at least.’ He studies Tony’s face, and his eyes gleam of something sadistic. He smiles again and it makes the genius shiver because he doesn’t like this man’s wicked eyes that promises pain. ‘Things apparently didn’t go as planned.’

‘It doesn’t always,’ Tony agrees just to humour this villain. ‘Word of advice? Accept it and move on.’

Another wicked smile as he scratches one of his eyebrow with his pinky. ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ He pulls out a short knife from his back. His adept fingers plays with it, tosses the blade from one hand to the other. ‘We’ve figured something out.’

‘Who is this we?’ He’s trying not to look intimidated by the sight of the knife. ‘HYDRA?’

‘Can’t tell you… because then, I have to kill you.’

Tony’s not sure if the stranger is humouring him as well, or he’s being honest. But he did say that __they —__ whoever they is — needs him alive. So, they’re not going to kill him. That doesn’t mean that this bad guy won’t make him suffer though. Sadistic bastard!

‘The thing is…’ The man throws the knife in the air and snatches it swiftly, just to plunge it on Tony’s thigh.

The groan escapes his lips as the pain spreads into his body. And here he’s thinking that he’s numb to feel any pain with how much every nerve ending is burning from his injury from the explosion.

Yes, there was an explosion when they were trying to infiltrate a lab that the officials said to be of HYDRA. The officials wanted it to seem like they’re doing government check-ups on private organisation. But it seems like there was a mole on Bruce’s alliance team.

‘We really need a safeword,’ he jokes through gritted teeth.

‘It won’t be necessary as long as you tell your friends to give us back the sceptre,’ the man whispers into Tony’s ear, hand gripping on the knife handle and twisting it slightly, earning him another muffled groan from the engineer. ‘And they could send back the __soldier__  as well,’ he adds. ‘Tell them to obey… or else they’ll have your body, back in a bag.’

‘Is that why you need me?’ The blade sinks further. ‘As leverage?’ He chuckles darkly and the man leans back away, looking at Tony like the genius has lost his mind. ‘That’s a very stupid plan.’

‘Oh please… They’ll bargain for you,’ the man spits, putting on his sadistic mask again. ‘You’re their precious teammate. An important person in society.’ He produces another knife. ‘Surely, they’ll come for you and exchange you for the Winter Soldier.’

‘Not really.’ Tony shakes his head and has the greatest urge to tell this idiot of the truth. How, firstly, there is no way in seven hells Captain America will ever let James near these assholes. Neither will Tony, over his dead body. And secondly, there’s no room for argument that his life can be use as a bargaining chip in exchange for the life of those who will be affected if HYDRA gets their hands on the sceptre. Because duh… he’s not worth it.

Back on his first reason. Has these idiots forgotten that Steve is bonded to James, and would probably sacrifice anyone — much less Tony Stark — to keep his soulmate safe? Seriously, bad guys should study the laws of soul bonding too because they are just clueless as to how far people would go for those they love.

‘I’m being honest with you, buddy,’ he says. ‘They won’t exchange Winter and the sceptre for the likes of me.’ He shrugs. ‘So, unless you have another plan, it’s better if you change route right now.’

The man doesn’t believe him. ‘I’ll come back for you when you’re ready to talk, Mr. Stark.’ The second knife vanishes, but thank goodness not under Tony’s flesh. But the bloke did twist the knife that’s still attached to Tony’s thigh before he leaves the room. Probably going to report to his masters.

Tony’s not sure why he’s trying to convince his tormentor that he’s team cares so little for him. He blames it on the lack of common sense and sanity when all he can register is the pain. The last time it hurt like this it’s because he was betrayed. And he was betrayed because he deserved it — he deserves to be alone since he’s never going to be good enough.

His burns, the old wounds, and the new one eats away his logic. Maybe it’s true that the team won’t come for him, especially not Steve who won’t even risk James’ safety. And he agrees with that.

Maybe Rhodey will come for him. But his platypus is busy fighting more important battles that’ll save myriad of people who deserves to live. Not like Tony.

And Pepper — his dear lovely Pepper — who manages his company better than he did, making sure that every single employee is taken care of. Pepper will also not come for him, it’s protocol that SI will never pay ransom money for him.

No one will come __for__  him. No one. So, he should probably stop staring at the door like someone’s going to come busting in and rescue him.

He doesn’t know how long he stares at the door. But he sees the man returning with renewed hope and sadism in his posture.

‘Have you still not changed your mind, Mr. Stark?’ The evil minion occupies his stool once again.

‘Now that I think about it… I never got your name,’ he says. ‘So, what is your name? Or does HYDRA do the whole Hunchman One, Hunchman Two, etcetera thing?’

‘Well,’ the man sits comfortably like he’s simply lounging around with Tony, ‘if it’s all the same to you,’ the punch completely catches Tony off guard, so did the pain, ‘I’d rather not get us both acquainted.’

There’s a new addition to his collection of pain with that blow. There’s a fresh batch of headache that follows the other one that had just ebbed from the explosion. Ah, just his luck.

Tony spits blood on the floor and glares at his oppressor.

‘Beg your Avengers, Mr. Stark,’ he orders. ‘Beg for them.’ Another blow to the other side of his face. ‘Or else, I’ll have too much fun breaking you.’

**

It’s cold. It’s always cold, Tony notices. And he’s not sure where he is. He’s sure the bastards that have kidnapped him had stripped him of all his tracking device. Maybe it’s time to install one deep within his flesh like JARVIS had suggested.

And his suit, no one has mentioned about his suit. They must have abandoned it somewhere. Smart of them, because the suit has a tracking device, a good one too.

He needs to escape. He’s not going to be leverage for these assholes. They’re not going to be able to use him, no matter the amount of colourful addition on his face, not to mention the twin knives that’s sunk on both his thighs.

Everything hurts. __Everything__.

There’s that annoying sound of a slow water drip from inside the room as well. It’s damn irritating, especially that it seems to echo the blood that drips from both of his twinning thigh wounds. Fuck, everything hurts, but at the same time he’s slowly losing feeling on his legs.

Few more hours and he’s going to to bleed out. And this could be __it__  for him.

He lost count of the time Mike — that’s what he calls his instigator, the man didn’t appreciate it (rude much) and lands a rather heavy blow on Tony’s left lung — had come into the room to wreck him into submission. Tony is very close to his breaking point. He can feel his sanity slipping away with each punch that lands his face and body, with each twist of the knife, and the amount of pooling blood beneath him.

His tormentor has promised a much better means next time he sees him; something wet he said, that had Tony’s breath hitching with fear at the vague indication. He’s still have nightmares about dirty water and gasping for air. And that might just be the last straw that breaks the camels back.

But he can’t give up now. He can’t break now. __Stark men are made of iron,__ his own subconscious repeats over and over again. He hates it because his own subconscious sounds like his father’s voice.

And just like he had done before, Tony draws strength to the one thing that grounds him and gives him peace of mind when everything falls apart.

‘Steve,’ he whispers in reverence as if on prayer. ‘Steve.’ He smiles a little, the name tastes safe in his mouth, easing some of his discomfort. His soulmate to Steve Rogers — Captain America, the guy who lost everything and still managed to survive, the guy who Tony wants to become, the man he wants to be with. Brave and wonderful Steve Rogers: Tony’s soulmate. ‘I think… I might miss you, Steve.’

The tears that pool his eyes finally run down his cheeks as he closes his eyes in the hope to never wake up to more suffering. Death doesn’t seem so bad, right? Everyone he loves is safe. His team have recovered Loki’s sceptre — based on Mike’s tantrum — and they’ll be able to end HYDRA once and for all.

And that’s his last thought before darkness finally takes him.

**

Everything is in chaos: Tony Stark is missing. And Bucky’s not ready to face the worst case scenario that it completely breaks him; that’s how Steve finds him when the rest of the Avengers returned back home after being unsuccessful in locating Tony in Europe. They have all decided to recoup and plan.

Steve had to fix him back together after his melt down, and he feels bad for stealing Steve’s own rights to mourn for his missing teammate — and probably, the man Steve loves that he doesn’t know yet. It’s embarrassing to need Steve like that because it had always been the other way around, with him taking care of Stevie. But times can change.

It wasn’t his best moment as well, he gets clingy and panicky when he’s not in the same room as Steve, or when he doesn’t see the man. And the weight of Tony’s loss still brands his chest like an empty crater. It’s the sort of ache that won’t go away. It’s the sort of ache that squeezes your heart time and time again just to remind you that it’s there.

Twenty-four hours later, they received a message from the low class HYDRA franchise in Sokovia that had held Tony hostage. They are trying to hold the genius ransom for Loki’s magical sceptre (which Thor and Loki had successfully retrieved). And for him, the Winter Soldier.

Bucky wanted to say yes… to both. He doesn’t give a fuck what happens to him or to that blasted sceptre. All he wants is for Tony to be safe, to come home. But of course, that decision isn’t up to him, and he knows that if they all follow his thinking it’d be a disaster, because honestly, he’s not even logical.

Well, they can’t blame him, he’s not very sane to begin with. Your soulmate being threatened and in the face of danger doesn’t make the most rational human being either. So, he waits, instead of voicing out his idiotic ideas.

But it’s hard to ignore his questionable ideas when a cryptic video arrives eight hours after the offer has been announced. And that video alone makes what’s left of his sane brain cells perish, because the video is awful. Painful to watch.

There’s this bald Russian guy that tortures Tony to beg the Avengers to rescue him in exchange for the sceptre and Bucky. The methods are simple: a few punches and a few stabbing. Nothing worse than Bucky had gone under HYDRA’s hands. But then, Bucky’s a super soldier, who heals easily; Tony on the other hand is a non-powered human, looking all bruised and battered with his injuries from the explosion and now the current tormenting.

It’s wreaking to watch. They were all angry, he can tell. Even Bruce who is usually relax looks a little green. Natasha is physically an embodiment of chaos and destruction at the sight of the second knife digging into Tony’s thigh.

‘JARVIS, I hope you’re tracking the source of this video.’ There’s a hardness in Steve’s voice that he’s never heard before. Steve is usually gentle when speaking to people, especially towards JARVIS or the bots.

‘On it, Captain,’ JARVIS replies severely.

The video only last five minutes, but it feels longer. It plays on a loop, with them cursing every second of it. But they have to study it, in case it clues them to where Tony’s being hold up.

Every quiet groan and tormented scream rams into Bucky’s soul like ton of brick. Mutely, he promises terrible pain to those who’ve caused Tony’s painful screeches. Morality be damned. There is blood and suffering to be paid in full.

**

It takes two more days for the next video to arrive. It contains the same stomach churning gore of Tony’s torture. They can all see how the genius slowly withering, despite how he still has his sass intact.

‘Can’t that alien god help locate him?’ Bucky demands, watching the newest set of video for too many times that he knows isn’t healthy. His therapist would disapprove. ‘What use is his magic?’

Steve looks just as weary as Bucky is. They all do, but he thinks him and Steve has it worse. His other soulmate is being maimed, and somehow he thinks Steve can feel the negative and dark energy within him. It might has something to do with how they are soul bond.

So, Captain America has to shoulder Bucky’s hidden anxiety, and he has to worry for his friend. Hence, Steve looking worse for wear.

‘It’s not that easy, Buck.’ Steve runs a hand over his tired face. ‘We’ll find him.’ The blond reaches out a hand to comfort, but Bucky moves away from it. Hurt and confusion mixes in Steve’s face.

‘But when, Stevie?’ he shouts. ‘When he’s dea—’

‘Don’t say that,’ Steve cuts him off sharply. ‘Tony’s one of the strongest people I know.’ He squares his jaw as if daring Bucky to challenge the unquestionable faith in his voice. ‘And we’re doing our best to find him… And we will.’

Being pessimistic probably doesn’t help anyone. And really, he’s only hurting himself by thinking of the worst. Yes, the worst could happen. But not now, not when he’s got Steve to tell him that it won’t. He’ll believe Steve, he always will. Steve could believe for the both of them.

Because god, if the worst __do__ happen, Bucky’s not sure how he will survive. He probably won’t, right? He doesn’t think he’s that strong to survive this heartbreak. He can deal with HYDRA and all their torture, but not the loss of a soulmate. That feels too impossible. Even now, just looking at Tony suffering is killing Bucky, too.

‘We’ll find him, Buck.’ Steve pulls him in a hug, which he accepts because he knows the blond needs it, too. ‘We’ll find him.’

It’s almost a miracle Steve doesn’t ask him about his rather passionate feelings towards Tony Stark. But maybe Steve doesn’t notice it as well, too lost in his own worry for the genius.

**

The next video comes sixteen hours after the last one, Steve and Bucky were the one standing vigil for any news. The team had developed a schedule to have someone — usually a pair — wait up for important updates. Not that any of them get any sleep longer than two hours when they are not on duty. Ever since Tony was gone, sleep has been a scarce commodity in the tower.

The video holds the usual disgusting torture of the engineer. But this time Tony looks like he’s at his breaking point. The pool of blood on the floor is also concerning. There’s a haunting paleness in Tony’s face that makes Bucky’s chest twist painfully.

Tony looks weak and fragile and broken. And it’s heart-wrenching to see that he deflates the ball he’s been playing with the bots. There’s far no greater pain than watching his soulmate slowly ebb to death.

‘Steve,’ comes Tony’s weak voice from the video.

Bucky has long accepted that Tony had feelings for Steve, just as Steve has feelings for Tony. But witnessing it so bluntly is something else. He waits for the pain or jealousy to come. Surely, it’s inevitable for him to feel any of the two or both, given that his soulmate uttered someone else’s name when all hope is lost in Tony’s eyes and Steve’s name sounded like a saving grace.

The pain or jealousy didn’t arrive. Yes, there is pain, but it’s the same one he’s been nursing since Tony had gone missing and was tortured.

Bucky aches for his imprisoned soulmate. And he’s about to tell Steve that they really need to fasten shit up and rescue the genius, because he can’t stand these awful videos anymore.

‘Wha—’ Steve’s motionless as he stares into the monitor, horror and confusion sits on his face.

‘Stevie?’ He reaches for his soulmate in concern. A hand on the blond’s shoulder for support. Did the videos finally break Steve as well?

Steve’s tortured expression turns to Bucky, his lips are agape, but no words passes them. ‘Buck,’ he says like he’s remembering Bucky’s there. He holds on to Bucky’s outstretch arm like it’s the only thing that’s keeping him upright. ‘Tony… h-he’s… he’s…’

It’s a good thing that Bucky’s a super soldier because Steve is heavy with how he’s relying all of his weight on Bucky’s arm. He’s never seen his soulmate so startled and terrified.

‘Oh god,’ Steve mumbles quietly with disbelief and fright as he looks everywhere but Bucky’s own worried face.

Steve’s action is scaring Bucky, and he’s about to ask the blond man what’s wrong when —

‘Steve,’ Tony mutters again.

Steve whips his head back to the screen in a flash that Bucky’s amaze he didn’t break his neck in the process. Steve’s sudden alertness to Tony’s call is an embodiment of a siren calling to a sailor; like a sunflower following the sun in the sky.

But god is it clear to Bucky what’s happening. It’s written all over Steve’s face with how his eyes looks like he’s seeing Tony for the first time.

One single word.

One single name.

Bucky knows by experience what it feels like to have Tony say your name for the first time and be envelop by a phantom sense of safety and happiness. It’s like finding meaning to life all over again, and being lulled in euphoria. But he can’t imagine what it’s like for Steve when there’s also that dreadful emotion of fear for the life of a soulmate which had sat painfully on Bucky’s chest for days now. A few days that felt like years.

‘I think… I might miss you, Steve,’ Tony says as he closes his eyes.

They both stare at the screen in silence. Waiting for the genius to say something more.

But nothing.

Tony remains still. So still that Steve’s hand grips on Bucky’s so tightly it hurts.

 _ _Damn it, Tony! Open your eyes!__  Bucky yells mentally in anger and desperation. __Please… Please__. He watches and waits for any sign of motion.

The seconds tick by, but Tony continues to be static.

 _ _Open your eyes, doll!__  His own hand digs into Steve’s shoulder as they both try to support each other. __Open your eyes.__

‘No,’ Steve says in defeat and heartbreak. ‘Tony.’ His voice is wet and bleak and aching.

And Bucky mutely asks for some miracle, staring at Tony’s motionless body on the screen. It doesn’t fit Tony to be this still when he’s always full of energy and life.

 _ _God no,__ Bucky thinks as the tears cascade his cheek.

**


	7. Not Broken Just Bent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [arrives one week late and still hungover]  
> Hello, lovelies! How are y'all? HAPPY NEW YEAR! OMG! It's 2019! And yes, I am late, as stated. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I wasn't really in a good place, and I kinda drifted off into a different place just to get everything off my mind. Thus, I am going to give a S/O to the manhwa that kept me company while on sabbatical: [Here U Are](https://mangarock.com/manga/mrs-serie-100225651)!!! It's sexy and fluffy and just perfect yaoi.
> 
> If you're still here, thank you for waiting. And this is it, the finale. You won't have to do any waiting anymore. So, I guess kudos to that? It was hard writing this last one, I had written and deleted a lot of scenes in the making. But I fervently hope that this is everything you've wanted. As promised it's a happy ending, because canon already hurts.
> 
> As always, remaining mistakes is all mine. I've only read this ONCE after writing everything. Fun fact: I beta-ed it in Comic San. [gasps] Another thing, this contain a bit of violence, or like mentions of it really.
> 
> This is long already and I am holding you back from your last chapter. So, once more, thank you for being here through the journey. And I hope you enjoy this last piece of the story.

_ ‘The problem with most of us,’ he said, ‘is not the lack of love. It’s the inability to understand why anyone in their right mind would want us.’  _ **_-S.Z._ **

**_**_ **

There’s none of that biting cold anymore. But the pain remains, although a little more bearable than it was before. Nonetheless, it is present. And heavens, it’s a chore to even open his eyes, but he managed to.

Tony’s not sure if he’s having some hallucinations, like what he had when he was in Afghanistan, but he likes this dream better than his current reality; even if, this dream is set in a hospital. God, he really hates hospitals, but he’ll take it over the room of torture with Mike.

And would you look at that, this hallucination is already going great by featuring both Pepper and Rhodey. Although Pepper seems to start crying when Tony acknowledged them both.

‘Oh god, Tony,’ Pepper cries.

‘Tones.’ That’s Rhodey, reaching out immediately to stop him from shifting upright on the bed. ‘Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe,’ his best friend whispers, Rhodey’s hand is warm against his bare shoulder. And this is getting so much better by the second with how real the touch feels like. ‘Try not to move so much because that’s bad for your healing ribs.’

‘You’re not allowed to have office leave longer than six days anymore,’ Pepper informs him, sitting down on the bed near Tony’s aching thigh. She takes his IV free hand and breaks into another soft sob. ‘Not if it gives you room to get kidnap. Again.’ She sniffs. ‘I can’t do this anymore, Tony. My heart can’t take it.’

Tony only looks at Pepper with a small smile, quite happy that his imagination can conjure Pepper perfectly. God, he’ll miss Pepper, too.

‘Do you want some water, Tones?’ That’s Rhodey again, he has removed his warm hand on Tony’s shoulder and he misses the contact already. He needs physical contact without it having to hurt. Not like Mike’s touches that promises pain.

He wants to tell Rhodey to come back, to stay. But his mouth is dry, his tongue is heavy. Things are starting to get hazy again,, he suspects it’s all due to the consistent pounding in his head. Jesus, why did the bad guys go for his head when it’s his bread and butter.

‘God, Tony,’ Pepper says. ‘You gave us a scare… I hope you know that you need to compensate for all the stress we all went through because of you.’

His precious Platypus has offered him a cup of water with a straw; he’s only realising now that he’s parched. Mike’s only given him water and bread once a day, which isn’t enough.

‘I can’t believe a simple  _ I’m sorry  _ doesn’t cut it nowadays, Miss Potts,’ he replies. His own voice sounds weak to his ears. His eyes feeling heavy again, but he fights against the pull of unconsciousness. He wants to stay here: in this moment. He doesn’t want to go back to reality where Mike awaits him with new ways to break him down.

‘It doesn’t, when I know how much you’re earning, Mr. Stark,’ Pepper retorts easily, tears slowly drying, and eyes free from more waterbreak.

‘And your billions wouldn’t even cut it either to compensate,’ Rhodey adds. ‘What you need to do is stay out of trouble. That’s how you’ll compensate. Stay out of trouble and be safe, starting now… and for the rest of your life, you idiot.’

Pepper nods in agreement.

‘No promises,’ he says and blinks thrice to thwart the pull of slumber because he wants to stay, and bask in Rhodey and Pepper’s worry and nagging. He doesn’t want to go back to the cold and pain and more torture. He doesn’t want to see Mike, or even the guy’s shadow.

‘Does something hurt?’ Pepper asks, hands hovering over Tony’s body like she’s trying to locate which part is aching.

‘I’ve already called Bruce.’ He hears Rhodey say more than he sees his best friend muttering it.

Tony fights hard against the mental and physical weariness that’s taking him away from his beautiful dream. He lets out a low whine of protest because his own body won’t listen to him when he tries to move himself awake.

‘Shhh…’ It’s Pepper’s calm voice, her soft hand cautiously caresses his bruised cheek.

‘It’s okay, Tony.’ That’s Steve’s voice.  _ Steve is here _ . In his dream. But he can’t see him because his eyes won’t cooperate to open.

‘Please,’ he begs, facing where Steve’s voice is coming from.

‘You’re safe, sweetheart.’ Is the last thing Tony hears before the darkness takes him again.

**

Warm hands on his own is the first thing that welcomes him back into consciousness. It feels amazing. That and also, how he’s no longer hearing that annoying water droplet that has been his constant companion along with the cold and pain.

Slowly, Tony peels his eyes open and observes the room his in. It’s the same hospital room he had in one of his dream. Does it mean he’s dreaming again?

‘It’s nice to see you awake, Stark.’ It’s Bruce Wayne.

Wow. That’s unexpected. He can’t believe he has the ability to dream of Bruce.

Bruce gives him a small amused smile. ‘You’re not dreaming, Tony.’

And did he say that last bit aloud? So much for his usual non-existent brain-to-mouth filter.

‘How are you feeling?’ Bruce asks. ‘Do you need me to call your doctor? Or Dr. Banner, perhaps?’

Tony shakes his head. ‘I’m okay,’ he answers, which is half lie because everywhere in him still aches like a motherfucker but he doesn’t need a doctor. ‘Water, maybe?’

Bruce nods and releases Tony’s hand he’s been holding to fetch a cup. And Tony’s only realising that it’s Bruce hand that was keeping his warm. Now, it feels a little cold without Bruce’s touch.

‘Here.’ The other man offers him a cup with a straw and Tony drinks.

‘Am I really not dreaming?’ he asks when he finishes half the glass.

‘No.’

‘How are you?’ There’s a few healing marks on Bruce’s face, due to the same explosion that  _ almost _ killed Tony — that almost killed them both.

‘I’ve had worse.’ Bruce puts the cup to the nearby table and reclaims his chair. Tony almost asked him if he could hold his hand again because somehow the room feels colder.

‘JARVIS, could you please bring the temperature up a little?’

‘Affirmative, sir,’ JARVIS replies. ‘And welcome back home.’

‘Thanks, J.’ He smiles at his AI. ‘Glad to be back.’ He then turns to Bruce. ‘I can’t say I’m not happy to see you’re here. But… why exactly are you here?’

‘Ms. Romanov let me in and said to watch over you while she goes and grab some coffee.’ Tony gives him a deadpan look. ‘That’s true. But actually…’ Bruce clears his throat and looks at everywhere but Tony’s inquiring eyes. ‘I came here to apologise.’

‘For what?’

Bruce squares his shoulder, like he’s preparing for battle. He’s brave, Tony will give him that. He looks Tony in the eyes as he says, ‘Your kidnapping. It was my fa—’

‘No, it wasn’t,’ Tony cuts off, giving the other a man a smile even when it still hurts his face to do it. ‘I’m an Avenger, and everything I do is a constant life hazard.’

‘But still—’

‘Please don’t,’ he remarks. ‘You helped a lot in this mission. The reason why we were able to avoid civilian casualty in Sokovia.’ Bruce still looks like he wants to argue. ‘And I also enjoyed building that Radioactive Gamma Energy Scanner prototype, even when it didn’t work.’

‘And this is why you need to stick with your other Bruce.’ Bruce chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. ‘Not our best two a.m. invention.’

Tony wants to tell him that they can still improve the prototype and make a successful Weird Energy Scanner for magical aliens or magical items. But the door suddenly opens, and burst in Steve and James.

‘JARVIS said that you’re awake,’ Steve says.

‘What is  _ he  _ doing here?’ James’ glaring at Bruce.

Both super soldiers are in their own strange image of tired and worry. Plus, displease on James’ side as he eyes Bruce.

‘I guess that’s my cue to leave,’ Bruce tells Tony. He’s rising up from his chair.

‘You should,’ James agrees frostily. ‘How did you even manage to get here?’ He crosses the room and postures terrifyingly on Tony’s other side. ‘After what you did in Sokovia.’

‘Buck,’ Steve warns softly, standing next to his soulmate.

‘No, Stevie.’ James’ glowering again, close to his Winter Soldier one. ‘It’s all his fault. I’m not even going to be surprised if he’s HYDRA and it he was on it with the kidnapping.’

‘Buck, please.’

‘So, you better leave now, or not even Steve will be able to hold me back from all the things I want to do with you,’ James threatens.

‘Enough,’ Tony orders. He runs his free hand over his face, the headache starting to come forward on full force again. ‘Bruce is here because he’s my friend,’ he tells both the super soldiers. ‘And he’s not HYDRA.’

‘You can’t—’

‘I know  _ that _ , Sergeant,’ he presses, putting authority in voice. ‘We’ve been in the same circle since we were young. He’s my competitor since then. And I’m smart enough to know that you have to make your enemies closer, or as Pepper use to call it: stalk your enemy creepily.’

‘You’ve always been a Peeping Tom on me, Stark?’ Bruce looks more amuse than surprise at the confession with his raised eyebrow.

Tony snorts. ‘As if you’ve never gotten your nose in my business as well.’

‘You’ve always made your business quite interesting, and hard to ignore,’ Bruce replies.

Steve clears his throat, ceasing Tony’s answering remark.

‘I’ll come by again, Tony.’ Bruce rises up from his seat, eyes on the two super soldiers.

‘Don’t be a stranger,’ he tells the other billionaire. ‘And if you can come back with Alfred’s cookies, you can get me dirty on my back again.’

A metal squeaks, but it’s swallowed by Bruce’s laughter.

‘I  _ do _ like you in such position, especially  _ under _ …’ He trails off and leaves a kiss on top of Tony’s head. ‘Looking forward to it,’ he says when he pulls back, eyes gleaming with mischief that Tony’s clueless of.

‘Bye, Bruce,’ he bids as the other billionaire exits the door happily. When the doorknob clicks, he turns to the two super soldier, who both look annoyed — jealous almost, but that can’t be true, right?

**

‘You can’t see that man again,’ Bucky tells the genius. And he knows he’s being blowing this out of proportion, sixty percent because he’s jealous and angry at Tony and Wayne’s parting exchange.

‘And why?’ Tony demands, glaring back at Bucky fiercely despite all bandaged-up in a hospital bed and not as near as reprimanding as he thinks he is.

‘Because… Uhmm…’ God, is it hard to make his reasons sound sane when it’s all fuelled by jealousy. He turns to Steve for help, but the blond clearly doesn’t know what to do as well. Maybe they should have planned this ahead. ‘Because… he’s not safe, okay?’

‘Did you not hear me what I just said, Frosty?’ Tony sounds frustrated and tired. ‘Bruce is trustworthy. He’s  _ not  _ HYDRA.’

‘How else would you explain Sokovia?’ Bucky argues.

Tony closes his eyes tightly as if he’s trying to fight back an upcoming headache. ‘Sokovia,’ he begins, opening his eyes reluctantly, ‘is not his fault. It’s the general hazard of being an Avenger.’ His brown eyes are piercing. ‘It’s with Bruce’s help that we managed to intercept that HYDRA base without much civilian casualty. He’s the one who gave information about the sceptre’s whereabouts even before Thor managed to get Loki on Earth. And even with Loki, it would have taken some time to point out the sceptre’s exact location. That time alone could have given HYDRA enough opportunity to use the power of the sceptre for mass destruction.’

Bucky didn’t know that Wayne is  _ that  _ significant to this Sokovia mission. But it doesn’t matter because his irrational thought can easily ignore all of Wayne’s importance and focus solely on how the man wasn’t able to protect Tony, and is still trying to get together with Tony. He won’t turn a blind eye to that.

Tony needs someone who can save him, who will be there for him when he’s defenceless. Because Tony might be a strong superhero, but he’s still a man; and human’s can still have their moment of vulnerability. And someone dependent should be there to defend Tony when he can no longer do so for himself.

‘So, I hope this is the finality of the discussion, Sergeant,’ Tony informs. ‘I won’t stand it anymore, with how you’re trying to accuse an innocent person who’ve done nothing but help for the greater good.’

And Bucky wants to argue again, because he can’t stand it as well that Tony’s taking Wayne’s side. But Steve wounds his hand on Bucky’s bicep, ceasing him from further upsetting Tony because the genius isn’t on his best health. Bucky needs to remember that and be considerate of it. Clearly, his debate isn’t rational, and basically it’s just him projecting his anxiety and exhaustion over the last few days when the engineer was kidnapped and unconscious.

But it’s hard to not blame Wayne for all of Tony’s suffering under that sadistic HYDRA agent, even after he had gotten creative with the agent’s face after they rescued Tony. Bucky can picture that day as clear as if it was yesterday and not a whole week ago.

Three days after the first video was sent JARVIS had managed to track the video source. Somewhere in the coast of Spain. And two hours later they have drawn out a plan to rescue Tony.

Loki and his glamour played a huge role in the rescue. Him and Thor went to the HYDRA rendezvous point in France where they bluff an exchanged, while him, Steve and Natasha head to the secret base to rescue Tony, because no way in hell will HYDRA return the engineer after getting the sceptre and the Winter Soldier. It was an ambush.

A small battalion awaited the two alien gods glamoured as Steve and Bucky with the sceptre. But they all perished in the end because really, what can HYDRA goons do against gods. Clint, Sam, and Rhodey were also there for support to contain the casualty.

Meanwhile, back in the base, Bucky wreak havoc with his two companions. Him more than the other two because Natasha was stealing important files and destroying them so they won’t be used anymore. Steve on the other hand secured Tony and brought him to Dr. Banner. Bucky had a free rein to soak the floor with blood because he needed to unleash his anger.

It wasn’t his best moment, and he regret it a bit because it reminded him of his Winter Soldier days. His therapist wasn’t supportive of it either. But somehow — despite how fucked up it sounds — it was freeing. And maybe Steve had to pull him back to sanity after the carnage, and how close he was to killing Tony’s tormentor.

‘Look,’ he begins, feeling guilty for upsetting Tony when they just got him back and he’s not completely healed, ‘I’m sorry for being rude to Wayne…’ And Tony’s looking at him hopefully. ‘But, you can’t really blame me —  _ us  _ — for suspecting him, because he returned home fine. But you… you were taken. And then, they… they send us  _ videos _ . Videos of  _ your _ torture.’

‘What?’ Tony’s eyes grow wide.

‘You don’t know?’ Steve inserts. ‘They sent us long videos of you being tormented by Andrei.’ He places an arm around Bucky’s shoulder, stopping the tremble that takes over Bucky’s body at the thought of those vile videos. Of Andrei’s fists landing on Tony’s ribs and face. And the  _ knives _ .

‘I didn’t know that,’ Tony mumbles.

‘I’m sure that’s also Andrei’s thoughts when he was generous with his punches, unconscious of what can happen to him with each blow he’s left on you.’ Bucky all but growls.

There’s a small horror in the engineer’s eyes. ‘You captured him?’

‘He’s alive,’ Steve replies.

‘Unfortunately,’ Bucky adds sourly.

‘We need him alive for informations,’ the blond reminds, but he also wasn’t happy that the sonuvabitch is still breathing after what Tony had gone through under his dirty hands.

‘Good,’ Tony agrees. ‘Maybe he can point us to the remaining HYDRA bases.’

‘You don’t have to worry about that, sweetheart,’ Steve says. ‘You need to rest. Doctor’s order. And we’ll take care of everything, okay?’

The shock on Tony’s face at the sweet moniker is cute, and distressing. Bucky’s once again reminded that Tony had to live all these years thinking that Steve was for Bucky alone. And he can sympathise with the engineer’s pain, and wishes Tony didn’t have to feel all alone and abandoned.

And true to Tony nature, he ignores the nickname and acts as if Steve had slipped up. But Bucky knows his blond soulmate didn’t. They’ve talked about this: the both of them. He had come clean with the truth to Steve and did his own research about trio soulmate bond.

Apparently, their kind of bond is rare. Not a lot has been written about it. And now that he’s sure Steve is also Tony’s soulmate, Bucky’s confident that they can all work it out. There’s enough love to go around with the three of them. No one needs to be left out, like he feared. Everyone will have enough of what they deserve — and hopefully more — even if Bucky’s scared he’s going to fuck it up at times.

He’s been doing a lot of thinking, right here besides Tony’s bed for the first three days that the billionaire had been unconscious. Him and Steve were sitting on each side of Tony’s bed when they’ve discussed their  _ situation _ .

Before, Bucky’s been scared of adding Tony to their dynamic because he’s afraid that he’s not going to be enough to love two amazing people at the same time, and give them the love that’s not in pieces but whole and sufficient and everything Tony and Steve deserve. Up to this day, he still thinks that what he’s providing for Steve isn’t adequate for what he had been given.

Now, it’s different. Bucky will forever try to be worthy of their love — or whatever love they can spare him. And maybe he’ll come around the fact that he deserves them, too. That the universe had made a perfect match out of them. All  _ three  _ of them.

And they are perfect, he realises, now that his fear of being not enough isn’t as loud as before. Not when he knows he can keep Tony — because after  _ almost  _ losing the engineer, he will never let him go again, come heaven or hell — and know that if he fuck up at times, Steve will be there to give Tony what Bucky can’t because he’s broken. And Steve, his idiot, beloved Stevie who will be taken care of as well on times Bucky doesn’t think he can.

Slowly, he wants to accept this twisted and wonderful fate he had been given. The fear may continue to echo inside his head, but he’s got two marvellous soulmate who will help silence his demons. And in return, he’ll try to protect them and love them and cherish them for as long as he’s breathing. They are his life now, his reason to become better. They  _ are  _ everything.

‘And there’s something we need to talk to you about,’ Steve begins. And Bucky can see Tony’s guard rising up at the seriousness in Steve’s voice. He bets that if the genius isn’t bedridden he’d probably try to avoid them.

Tony cracks a fake smile. ‘Whatever it is, I’m sure I have a valid explanation,’ he jokes. ‘And before we proceed… with whatever this is, I do believe that according to my Miranda Rights, I have the right for an attorney, right?’

‘That’s a lot of  _ right  _ in one single sentence,’ Bucky points out teasingly, trying hard to calm the sudden anxiety in Tony. And maybe for himself as well, because this is it. The moment of truth.

‘I’m not sure if this is the right time for this conversation,’ Steve says, sitting down on the vacant part of Tony’s bed. For someone so big, Steve managed to be careful about the genius’ injured thigh. ‘But… after all that’s happened, I don’t think this can wait. Not after we’ve seen you be tortured and  _ almost  _ die.’ His blue eyes sincerely hold Tony’s brown ones in silent query to proceed. Tony barely nods. ‘Tony… all the nights we’ve waited for you to open your eyes felt like forever. And, at times it felt like you won’t open them again.’

‘Cap…’ Tony’s hand moves as if to wipe the rogue tears on Steve’s cheek, but he stops mid action as he sees Bucky, and drops his hand instead.

‘Those were unbearable days.’ Steve sniffs. ‘And we couldn’t do anything. We couldn’t protect you, or tell you that you have to come back because… because life without you would never be worth living.’

It’s Bucky’s turn to put a supporting arm on Steve’s shoulder.

‘But you have Bucky to live for, Cap,’ the genius reasons out. ‘He’s your soulmate.’

‘And so are you,’ Steve states. ‘We saw the video. You... you said my name.’

The silence that follows is loud. Tony’s face undergoes a series of emotion. There’s fear, loneliness, denial, and pain etch on his feature. Steve remains glued to his seat as he waits for Tony to process the news.

Tony chuckles without humour. ‘I think now is the perfect time to demand a lawyer?’

‘Tony, please.’

‘No, Cap.’ The ever so stubborn Tony Stark, almost as stubborn as one Steve Rogers. ‘This is a mistake. You and Bucky are bonded, and I’d be a selfish bastard to come between that.’ His voice cracks a little. ‘And I won’t. I promise. I will  _ never  _ come between the two of you. You both deserve each other. You survived the war together and managed to find each other in this century… that’s a miracle by itself, and a true testament that you’re for meant to be.’

‘You and me are the same,’ Steve insists.

‘It’s not.’ Tony shakes his head. ‘It’s nothing but some cosmic mistake. Or the universe trying to doom you into being with someone like me.’

‘Doom? Tony, anyone would be lucky to have—’

‘You’re just saying that now, Spangles. But in the next week or maybe tomorrow, you’ll regret even looking my way. And what of Bucky? He’s going to kill me if I ever made you cry, which I already did by the way, by almost dying.’ He looks defeated. ‘This isn’t going to work, Cap. I’m a fuck up, too many issues, broken, etcetera. And you’ve got Bucky, who’s got amazing sense of humour and caring and remembers birthdays. Surely, you don’t want to trade all that for—’

‘Please don’t finish that sentence,’ Steve requests. ‘Also, for the record, I’ve been half in love with you after the battle of New York… How can I not be, when you’ve given me a home, your valuable time, your precious friendship. You’ve given me new purpose to live after I’ve lost everything I hold dear.’

Tony lets go of a heavy sigh and looks away from Steve. ‘Snowflake, help me out here,’ he says to Bucky. ‘Aren’t you going to fight for your man?’

‘I am,’ he replies, which Tony nods to in approval. The genius even turns to Steve to gloat. He circles around the bed to get to the other side. ‘And I’m scared… I don’t know what to say, or what I’m going to do if this doesn’t work out, because for these past weeks I’ve been tormented by this  _ very _ moment… and how you’re going to react…’

Tony’s eyebrows furrow. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I am going to fight for Steve… as I am going to fight for  _ you _ ,’ Bucky continues. ‘Because you might hate me after learning the truth, but I’m just going to take that. I’d have whatever emotion you can scrap for me… because after losing you… I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself that you’ll never know — that, that to me, you’re an amazing person… that you’re kind and selfless… that you’re very easy to like… and...’ He tries to swallow the anxiety forming in his throat. ‘And to love… Anthony Edward Stark.’

The engineer’s eyes grow wide, his lips parted in a small  _ o  _ that in a different scenario, Bucky would find cute. But not now. Not when Tony knows the truth: he’s soul bond to his parents’ murderer.

‘Tony?’ Steve puts a anxious hand on his shoulder.

‘I know how complicated it makes everything,’ Bucky proceeds, not meeting those brown eyes. ‘Especially that, it’s my… my hands… I was the one who… who…’ His hands clench into fist, and he exhales through his nose. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… Your, your pa-parent’s de—’

‘It’s okay,’ Tony says. ‘It’s okay… You don’t have to apologise for it anymore, Snowflake.’ The genius reaches for Bucky’s hand. ‘You can move on now… I have. And you should, too.’

God, that cautious touch, making him feel like he’s something valuable, something precious, and not something broken or disgusting. Bucky looks up to Tony, his vision a bit blurry by the unshed tears. ‘You deserve more.’

‘I can say the same to you, James.’ Tony gives him a timid smile and squeezes Bucky’s hand tenderly.

And fuck, hearing his name fall from Tony’s lips with care and softness, makes him outright cry. Tears spilling like tsunami waves in his eyes. The weight that usually sit in his chest vanishes at the warmth he’s receiving. How did he get so lucky after all that he’s done?

‘Oh my god, I made the Winter Soldier cry,’ Tony teases, but his voice is a little hoarse. And Bucky doesn’t even want to glimpse at those kind brown eyes or else he’s going to make a greater fool of himself.

‘This is very progressive,’ Steve comments.

‘Did your therapist say that?’ Tony asks.

‘Yes, and it’d do you good too if you see one yourself.’ Bucky sees the genius pouts and just about to retort when Steve adds, ‘And Bruce doesn’t count because he’s not  _ that  _ kind of doctor.’

‘But I like Bruciebear,’ Tony insists. ‘He’s understanding. And he cuddles me afterwards and tells me I’m an idiot and problematic but he still likes me.’

‘I can… do that for you, too,’ Steve offers, blushing a little. ‘Bucky can, too.’

Now it’s Tony’s turn to blush, looking at Steve as if he can’t believe what the blond had said. Then he turns to Bucky with the same incredulous expression.

‘We’d be happy to listen to you,’ the blond continues. ‘And hold you.’

Tony pulls his hand from Bucky and puts them on his lap. He stares at both of his hand as he plays with them, just to do something other than look at both super soldiers.

Bucky’s crying had stopped as he finds his other soulmate in such a shy and adorable situation. Who knew someone like Tony who flirts like he breathes, and a literal ad for sexy no matter what he wears or what he does, blushes so easily?

‘And kiss you,’ Bucky adds, wiping his face with the back of his flesh hand.

‘Can we do that, Tony?’ Steve asks, voice dripping with sincerity and hope.

‘Oh my god,’ Tony exclaims. ‘You’re going to be the death of me.’ He glares at them, but the red in his cheeks never fades. ‘I am old with a poor heart, you rascals.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Bucky says, feeling brave and sure for the first time, because Tony’s forgiven him. Tony wasn’t disgusted with him when he learned Bucky’s also his soulmate. ‘We’ll take  _ good  _ care of you.’

And Christ, if Tony doesn’t look endearing all flustered. They  _ did  _ that. He wants Tony to always look this lovely shade of red when him and Steve showers him with love and compliments. Never again does he wants to see the genius lonely or unhappy.

‘We promise to take good care of you.’ Steve reaches for one of Tony’s hand. ‘If you let us.’ His other hand comes to cup Tony’s face delicately, making the genius look him in the eyes. ‘Will you let us?’

**

**_3 months later…_ **

Every wound has healed but Tony continues to have nightmares of dirty water and cold rooms. The smell of rust also makes him anxious, and the sight of blood turns him pale. But he’s doing better.

He wants to think it’s because of Bruce’s advance medicines — those amazing poultice for his burns, the miracle drugs for his broken bones, and the gel for his healing thighs stitches. As much as Banner said he isn’t that kind of doctor, he’d developed some sublime medication. And maybe, this is also Bruce’s way to amend for the deaths he had done in the past. Tony understands that more than anyone else.

His hospital days seem to be long gone, but it had been such an event. Everyone visited him, and someone always stayed with him, usually it’s Steve and James. Even Loki had the heart to see him and offered to help with his healing. Tony said no, having done with magic. Also, not trusting Loki.

After the confession between him and the Wonder Twins, everyone in their close circle seem to have heard of their fate. It’s not shocking since they have two skilled spies in the group. He also came clean with Pepper and Rhodey about it.

Pepper cried and told him that she’s happy for him, even if he was such an idiot for thinking he didn’t deserve the two super soldiers. His two best friends made him promise to be honest with them, that he shouldn’t have to suffer alone anymore.

And according to Steve, Rhodey and Pepper did a shovel talk with him and James. James is still shaken, although they both wouldn’t say what exactly Rhodey and Pepper threaten them of. So, that’s his life right now.

He slowly peels his eyes open and inspects his room. It’s so damn cold in the morning. And he hates the cold.

He sits up on the bed and realises that he’s also alone. He hates being alone, as much as he hates to admit it, because it makes him sound clingy. Just weeks after he’s been discharged, there had always been someone with him, even when Steve and James had slowly moved in to his suite.

He likes waking up with Natasha the most because she plays with his hair and reads him poems in Russian. No one allows Clint to watch over him because one time they broke the glass table in Tony’s living room and set fire in the kitchen. Thor’s on Loki duty till both gods went back to Asgard. Bruce is a stingy caregiver because he won’t allow Tony to use his tablet, saying the radiation is bad for his healing.

Pepper stays sometimes too, when she’s not busy with the company. Rhodey had been called back to work a few days after Tony’s discharge, and he insisted that his best friend should go because he’ll be fine. Only when Bruce and Nat convinced Rhodey that they’ll look after him did his Platypus leave.

Now, that he’s fully healed, no one has to look over him anymore. He misses being pampered with attention, somehow. But his family also have their own lives to live and he should probably wean himself out of his dependency. He’s okay on his own anyway, Howard trained him so.

But fate thinks so otherwise because…

‘Tony?’ Steve knocks.

And he’s not sure he should complain. Never look at the gift horse in the mouth, they say.

‘I’m decent,’ he jokes and smiles at the blond when Steve enters the room —  _ their  _ room, he reminds himself. Heavens, that will continue to surprise him on the days to come. ‘And you don’t have to knock every time, Spangles.’

‘It’s okay.’ Steve’s smile in return is soft and it melts Tony’s inside just thinking that it’s all for him. That he can now honestly say that the smile is for him. No need to pretend. And it makes his heart burst with so much happiness.

‘That’s unfortunate, doll,’ James chirps, following Steve into the room from their morning run. ‘Was looking forward to see some naughty stuff.’ He presses a kiss on Tony’s bed hair and sits next to him. ‘How was your sleep, sugar?’

And that’s another thing that Tony will never get use to. He literally pinches himself just to be sure that he’s not dreaming, because he’s not sure that he’s allowed to have all of these. To have both Steve and James.

‘Not even a proper kiss.’ He pouts at James. The corners of the super soldier’s eyes crinkle with happiness. And he’s glad to see James happy. It took some time to convince the ex-assassin that Tony likes — the other L word can wait, because he doesn’t want to scare them both off by his clingy feelings — him just as much as Tony likes Steve.

Both the super soldiers chuckle at him. And because the other brunet is closer, James leans in and kisses him sweetly, a hand — the metal one at that! — holds his face in position. He closes his eyes and savours James’ warm mouth.

This is another thing he can never get over: being kissed. He had his share of kisses in the past. But never like this. Not even close. And he didn’t know he was missing a lot before, because who knew that kisses could be an out-of-this-world experience.

Well, in all honesty, Tony’s imagination is nothing compared to the reality of kissing any of his soulmates. It’s like a thrilling adventure and a warm home all at once. He never wants to stop feeling his heart hammering like it’s going to runaway with the happiness he cannot contain inside his chest.

‘My turn.’ Steve directs Tony’s face to the other side of the bed where he’s sat. Like a sunflower following the sun, he goes willingly and welcomes Steve’s perfect lips against his own.

He hums happily when Steve deepens the kiss, mouth expertly moving in demanding pursuit, and Tony allows Steve to take whatever he wants. He groans encouragingly, matching Steve’s enthusiasm. He’s always going to be amaze that Steve kisses like Tony’s mouth is something he needs to conquer and own. Definitely, not something Tony had imagined and expected.

Kissing Steve makes Tony feel safe even when the man kisses possessively. It’s hot and sexy, and dangerously mind melting. He can’t think when Steve kisses. His brain becomes a puddle of useless goo that just chants:  _ SteveSteveSteve _ . It’s nice to have someone take control, and for him to simply do nothing but feel the exhilarating mouth on his.

When Steve pulls back so they can both breathe, James’ metal hand cautiously guides him back for another kiss. And James kisses him with the same burning passion as Steve did, but mellow like Tony’s delicate and precious.

James kisses opposite than Steve, Tony wants to think it’s because the man is still cautious with physical affection since he’s still not used to it, and he’s considerate of Tony’s fragility. And Tony loves him for it. A part of him wants to reassure James that he’s not going to break.

But nonetheless, kissing James is still an experience. His mouth is always eager to please and give Tony as much as he wants. Everything about James’ kisses turns Tony into a greedy goblin who takes and takes and takes. James turns him into an insatiable black hole that thirsts for those pretty lips like one needs air.

James lets him go, but connects their foreheads together and waits for Tony to catch his breath. He can feel Steve circling his arms on his waist as he rest his head on Tony’s shoulder.

God, what good had Tony done in his past life to deserve both these amazing super soldiers? His luck might be changing. That  _ or  _ something bad is about to happen. A man like him doesn’t deserve to keep this happiness without paying for it.

‘Shhh…’ Steve murmurs, hands tightening around Tony’s waist. ‘We’re not going anywhere.’

‘Are you a mind reader now, Capsicle?’

‘No, but I can feel your body language,’ Steve replies.

And he notices that he did suddenly went stiff. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay, doll,’ Bucky soothes and places a kiss on Tony’s forehead before he pulls back. ‘We understand.’ He gets a hand on Tony’s nape and massages the area. ‘More than you know. Especially for me.’ He meets Steve’s eyes.

‘I’m just happy you gave us a chance, Tony,’ Steve says. ‘I didn’t even know you were gay —.’

‘Bi,’ Tony corrects.

Steve rolls his eyes affectionately. ‘Yes, that.’ He places a kiss on the side of Tony’s head. ‘Not only that, I didn’t even know I was falling in love with you. Not till Bucky said he loves you, too.’ He reaches and holds Bucky’s free hand, intertwining their fingers. ‘And that instead of being jealous, I was happy to learn that he feels the same way about you.’

‘God, you’re enlightenment is awful, Steve,’ he teases and laughs. He felt the blond tenses behind him. He mentally curses himself for saying something that have upset Steve.

‘You said my name,’ Steve states in disbelief before Tony could say his apology. ‘You said my name.’ The man’s smiling ear to ear. ‘Say it again… please.’

And Tony wants to die of embarrassment that very moment for his slip up. He still tries to avoid using both super soldiers’ names if he can because it feels like a grand declaration of that L-word he tries not to think about, even when he’s just  _ dying _ to say it.

He knows the feelings of saying someone’s name because he surely feels elated and whole whenever Steve or James say his name with adoration and care. And he wants them both to feel the same when he says their names. But he’s scared. Afraid that it’s not the same for them as it is for him, because he’s Tony. Broken Tony, flawed Tony, narcissistic Tony, who might never be enough.

‘Tony,’ Steve whispers. And suddenly Tony’s whole world flips. Literally, because Steve easily tosses him on his back. ‘Say it again. Please.’ Steve hovers above him, arms bracketing Tony’s head.

Tony looks at James for any semblance of help, but the other brunet only looks as hopeful. He gazes back into expectant baby blues. It drowns him, the want to let it all go and bare his feelings for these two amazing people.

‘I’m sorry, sweetheart,’ Steve says and leans down to kiss him. ‘I didn’t mean to be so demanding.’ Another kiss. ‘Take your time. We have many days ahead of us… We’ll wait and still be here.’ Another kiss.

Tony wounds his arms on Steve’s shoulders and pulls the man for a deeper kiss. ‘Steve,’ he whispers on the man’s lips. ‘Steve.’ He kisses the tip of the man’s nose, who’s currently semi-catatonic. ‘Steve.’ He kisses just above the blond’s left eyebrow.

‘I think you broke him,’ James comments amusedly.

‘Oh my god.’ He should be worried but he can’t help the goofy smile on his lips.

‘Sir, you have a visitor,’ JARVIS interrupts.

‘Who is it, J?’ he asks.

‘Mr. Bruce Wayne,’ JARVIS replies.

In unison, both super soldiers groan with irritation. And Tony wants to chastise his boyfriends — can he call them that too besides soulmates? — to be nice to Bruce, especially James.

‘Tell him I’ll be down in five,’ he tells JARVIS.

‘Message relayed, sir,’ JARVIS informs.

‘Thanks, J.’ He smiles at his AI, always proud of his smart creation. He turns to the super soldiers who’s not happy about Bruce being here…  _ again _ . But it’s a regular thing now that they’re working on a project along with Dr. Banner. ‘No more comment, boys. We talked about this.’

And they did. Tony had explicitly explained to his possessively jealous soulmates that nothing happened between him and Bruce, despite Clint’s lewd comments and teasing the morning after the gala. Or even after Bruce’s continuous mentions about that night in such off proportion. The only reason that Tony got dirty and was on his back was because they were working on a machine.

Sometimes, Bruce likes to get a kick out of it just to pester the Wonder Twins. Tony should probably tell him to stop in case Brooklyn One and Two do something drastic. Although, a tiny part of him — which he will deny to his grave — likes the idea that he can invoke jealousy.

‘I have work to do, boys,’ he tells them, pushing Steve off of him so he can see Bruce. Steve doesn’t budge. ‘Again, we talked about this.’

‘I know,’ Steve agrees. ‘And we’re going to be okay with it… Just give us a second though.’ The blond starts to slither one hand underneath Tony’s top, mapping warm skin. His mouth finds its way to Tony’s collarbone. ‘Right, Buck?’

‘ _ Steve, _ ’ he whines, trembling under that dexterous hand that caresses his torso. And suddenly there’s a cold metal hand on his bare knee, opening his legs. James leans down to the patch of skin that Steve has unwrap. ‘ _ James _ .’

And god, these super soldiers are annoying as fuck. But Tony can feel himself getting hard at each heated kiss left on his body. They touch him and kiss him and leave their marks. Marks that will never fade for a few more days. Marks that Bruce will see.

God, they are the worst. But fuck does he  _ need  _ more.

‘Please…’ he begs, never been shy when it comes to sexual intimacy. Not now when his whole body is on fire and just  _ needs  _ to be touch. His brain is nothing but a string of  _ want want want _ .

They’ve never had done beyond a handjob or blowjob before. But that doesn’t mean that Tony doesn’t completely lose his mind over those, because as he’s learned, everything done between him and his soulmates had been nothing short of spectacular. He could lose his mind alone just being kissed or embraced by them.

Being touch by them like this? He forgets his own name.

‘Please…’ He pulls Steve away from the second hickey he’s trying create. Steve obliges him to a kiss, while James continues to pepper his chest with kisses, a small bite here and there. The metal hand pinches his nipple, just a tad painful. He gasps into Steve’s lips.

‘We’ll never stop you from seeing him, Tony,’ Steve promises, eyes slightly darker. ‘But after  _ this _ . Don’t you agree?’ His hand squeezes Tony’s clothed erection.

‘Yes,’ he replies hastily, more concern about getting off and the wonderful hands on him, than his friend downstairs.

‘Good,’ James approves and pulls Tony’s nipple a bit more that has the genius moaning. ‘God, you’re so responsive and beautiful like this.’ He licks on the other one. ‘And all ours.’

‘JARVIS, please tell Mr. Wayne to go ahead with Dr. Banner,’ Steve states. ‘Tony will need another ten more minutes.’

And Tony’s not sure if JARVIS did manage to reply or not. He can’t concentrate, not when Steve’s got a hand wrap around his dick.

**

After coming twice — once on Steve’s hand, and next on Bucky’s clever mouth — Tony weakly proceeds to meet his two colleagues for their project. He had a quick shower before seeing them just to get rid of the smell of sex. But he can’t really cover the decorative love bites Brooklyn One and Two left on his neck.

His friends only rolled their eyes at him and didn’t say anything more as they continue their work. God, he hates his soulmates. He plans on going even with them in the future.

And it puts a cheesy smile on his face at the thought that the three of them has a future  _ together _ . That’s more than what Tony had wished for. He promises to try his best to be worthy of his soulmates. Even when they’re irrational sometimes. They can all work it out, because Tony’s irrational sometimes too.

But yes, the payback. He needs to think of a brilliant and dubious plan to punish the both of them. Maybe Natasha can help him.

 

_ Fin. _   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and your time! Please don't forget to leave kudos and comments.  
> And keep being awesome! :)


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